


Living For This Moment

by xxsilverlist



Series: We Choose Our Family [4]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Friendship/Love, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of drugs, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, bc why not, er one demand but yeah, the gang is back by popular demand, this has been sitting on my computer for two years, this story is a bit darker but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2019-07-05 16:51:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 38,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15867744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxsilverlist/pseuds/xxsilverlist
Summary: The bands all grown up and well into adulthood. As each member settles into married life and raising their own families Ashton realizes maybe the world is moving a little too quickly for him, nothing seems right even his place in the world.





	1. Heal These Bitter Wounds

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place right before the last chapter in the previous story and continues on its own.

Ashton considered himself the last to settle down among his group of friends. The last to heal, to move on with life. He had considered himself a lot of things the past seven years; unlovable, broken, a coward, a friend, a lover, strong, and healing. He had seen his band fall apart and be stitched back together, he had seen two of his best friends fall in love, get married, and adopt a little girl. He had watched as a bright young girl with equally bright red hair charm the youngest member of his band, watched them fall in love only to break each others hearts. Repeatedly. Now her hair might be shorter and darker, Luke might have a beard, and Jessie might be pregnant but the couple was still bright and endearing.

Ashton had seen the world and conquered it. He had met the woman he was proud to call his future wife. He proud to be an uncle to Calum and Michael's daughter, he was so many things. He was content, happy, in love. He was still healing the dark the thoughts that refused to leave his head, but for now he pushed those away. He watches the sunrise while sipping coffee. The sun is barely peaking over the horizon. Bryana won't be up for at least another hour if not more.

He tilts his head, making out the sounds of Sydney waking up. It brings back memories of when he was younger, how him, Jessie, and Calum would head out for morning runs. They haven't done that since Calum and Michael moved to L.A.

He was twenty eight. He had a beautiful fiance. A wedding to look forward to. A gorgeous apartment. Great friends that continued to be involved heavily in his well being. He loved little Nadya with and would surely love Jessie's child.

Yet why did he feel like there was a hole in his life?   
*

**January.**

Ashton had his routine, and for the most part he never strayed from that rountine. He woke up with the sun, went for a run, came home and drank a shake. From there he would down his meds with coffee and Bryana would be rushing out of the bathroom, long hair wet, only give him a kiss and make a quick breakfast. After that Ashton got ready, went to work and for most of the day would be holed up in an office across from Luke. They's have lunch together, and if they needed to would call Michael or Calum. From there Ashton would leave the label and grab takeaway if Bry was working an extra shift or walk into the apartment to whatever wonderful smells she was cooking up. Most nights were a blur after that. A mix of bad reality t.v, songwriting, and tumbling into bed with Bryana.

Today though, he couldn't remember if he took his meds. This was alarming, this hadn't happened in a long time. Years maybe. Ashton glanced at the pill bottles lined up on the kitchen counter, anxiously trying to remember if he had already taken them. He knows the last time this happened he had found himself binge eating on the couch. He could feel himself slowly getting on edge, he started tapping at the counter, humming loudly.

He couldn't call Bryana. She had been called in for emergancy surgery two hours ago, leaving Ashton with cold scrabbled eggs and a cup of coffee. Ashton felt himself twitch, he didn't want to text Jessie. Her pregnancy was giving her problems, keeping her up at night and making her sick. Luke had came into work yesterday with blood shot eyes and his phone on high, no he couldn't bother them not now.

He paces the room, scratching at his head and glaring down at the bottles. He could call his doctor, maybe a double dose wouldn't kill him. Maybe it would.

The thought makes him stop in his tracks, finally tuning in to the incessent knocking at his door. Ashton breaths in his lungs burning with fresh oxygen, he grips the kitchen counter and slowly counts back from twenty.   
  
  


"Luke?" Ashton opens the door, revealing Luke in worn jeans and his favorite hoodie. The younger man holds out his arm, a bag Ashton knows is probably filled with bagels and muffins in his hand. In the other holds two coffees, and his phone. Had his phone been ringing?

"Hey mate, you were late to work," Luke says gently, stepping into the apartment. Ashton groans mentally, banging his head on the doorframe. How long had he been pacing? "I brought breakfast and coffee."

Something must set Luke off, it could've been Ashton being late to work. The pill bottles lined on the counter, his ragged appearance. anything really, as Ashton watches Luke stop and spin on his heels, giving Ashton the hardest look he's seen Luke give anyone; And he's seen Luke punch Calum.

"Ashton, is something wrong?"

"I can't remember if I've taken my meds," he mumbles, feeling his shoulder slump. He feels Luke gather him in a hug, knotting his hands in his hair.

"Where's Bry?"

"At work. Won't be back at least until this evening."

"Okay, let's figure this out," Luke sighs, leading them both to the couch. He watches Luke take out his tablet, opening up a note. Ashton reaches for a bagel, and coffee. The coffee smells delicious and the first sip shakes off some of the fogginess in Ashton's head.

"Okay, so you don't know if you've taken your meds," Luke begins, doodling what Ashton supposes is him on the tablet. "Let's backtrack. What were doing right now?"

"Pacing," Ashton supplies, biting into the bagel. They go back and forth, Luke helping Ashton backtrack with crappy doodles, taking a moment to call the label to hold their meetings. Ashton gives the best answers he can, his memory foggy and not being so helpful.

"So you woke up, saw Bry's note, had a protein shake," Luke goes over the doodles, his features scrunching up. "made the bed, came back to the kitchen and saw your pill bottles. From there you couldn't tell if you had taken them or not, correct?'

"Correct," Ashton grumbles, sipping at the coffee.  _Coffee_. Coffee!

"I didn't take them," Ashton stands, staring at the cup in his hands. He glances over to the coffee pot, two cups still there. Bryana usually had the coffee poured and ready by the time she went into the shower, yet there was still half a pot of coffee and two empty mugs. Bryana never got coffee then, too in a rush to fix her cup and Ashton's. That means Ashton never went on a run, he had only somehow made his shake and never bothered with coffee since it wasn't in his line of sight.

"What?" Luke stares at him quizically, eyebrow drawn. Ashton realizes too late that he had said all that out loud, rapidly shaking the coffee in his hands. Ashton rolls his eyes, yep he hadn't taken his meds. He walks over to the counter quickly, counting out each bottle of pills and setting one aside.

_One_ , _two_ ,  _three_.

_Anxiety_.  _Depression_.  _Bipolar_.

The three little words his doctor had diagnosed him with eight years ago. The three little words that he refused to let define him. He swallows the pills down with a gulp of coffee, the taste bitter on his tongue. There was no pill for alcoholism and eating disorders, but Ashton would be damned if he wasn't working his hardest to overcome them.

He makes his way back to Luke, the blond wearing an uneasy smile. "I'm fine now Luke, promise,"

"Okay," Luke says softly, "Just worried thats all."

Ashton sits, flipping on the t.v. "So I take it we're not going into work?"

"It's already twelve, no I don't think so." Luke laughs, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. Ashton does the same, content to spend the day watching shit t.v and ordering pizza. Somewhere along the day him and Luke doze off, curling up on the couch.

-

"Babe, I'm home and I brought food," Ashton shakes himself awake, managing to knock Luke onto the floor. When had Luke moved to his lap? "Oh, I didn't know Luke was here." Bryana says softly, glancing at the two.

Ashton smiles lazily, feeling better already. "Hey baby. Yeah, I, um wasn't having a good morning and Luke came over."

Bryana sets the food down, walking over to Ashton and raking her nails through Ashton's hair. "That's good, I'm glad. Wake him up and he can have my burger."

Ashton frowns, swatting at Luke. "Thats not fair, he can leave."

"Am I being kicked out?" Luke asks confused, sitting up.

"No," Bryana trills, walking back to the kitchen. "I brought Macca's for me and Ashton, but you can have mine. I think there's a salad in the fridge for me. Ashton don't fight me on this." Ashton keeps his mouth shut, shrugging when Luke shoots him a look.

"Come one, dinner time."

-

Later on, Bryana pours a glass of wine for her and Luke, handing Ashton a root beer. Ashton sighs, knowing Bryana meant well. He had personally asked her never to serve him alcohol after a bad day, but Ashton was craving a beer. He would suck it up though, and drink the mocking drink.

"How's Jessie? I feel like I haven't seen her since Christmas," Bryana asks, placing her legs on Ashton's lap.

"Better, she actually held down two full meals today," Luke says proudly, giving a childish grin. Ashton was happy for him, he doesn't think he would be able to handle looking after Bryana like Luke was looking after Jessie.

"Thats good to hear, is she going to that midwife I suggested," Bryana and Luke fall into another conversation, talking quietly about Jessie either having a midwife, or delivering in a hospital. "I don't know, me and my sisters were delivered by midwives. And that's what my own mother swears by, so I always suggest that, but if she's having a difficult pregnancy this early along I would go with the doctor." Bryana shrugs, sipping at the wine.

Ashton stares at his fiance, soaking in the woman who understand him more than he understood himself. He had been hesitant to introduce her to the group, afraid she wouldn't stick around long enough. He had also been afraid to introduce her because, in his mind, no one else could fit in just as well as Jessie could. The band had been lucky in finding her, and keeping her around, and sometimes Ashton felt that Bryana didn't fit in quite as well as Jessie. Yes, she had been a former model and knew the industry they had worked in, but now she was a nurse and some of the people she hung around with looked down at the band.

Ashton shakes his head. Either way, she got along great with Jessie and everyone else, and was always supportive of whatever the band did. He looks at her again, all soft skin and long blonde hair. He thinks he loves her eyes the most, a pretty shade of brown he can't describe, holding an intelliegence she could never show before.

Sometimes he wishes he could give her kids. It had been a long and agonizing conversation that one. He had slept on the couch for a solid three days because of that conversation. In the end Bryana had came to him crying saying she understood, and that she still loved him. Ashton had fallen more in love with her than he thinks he could've.

So here they were the last of their group to start a domestic life, albeit a little differently. There would be a small ceremony on the beach, and a barbecue after. There would be no kids in their future, for as much as Ashton's sake as for the trouble he didn't want to burden any kids with, they might get a turtle. It was a quiet life, but it was a life Ashton could be happy with. If only he could actually feel happy about the choices he had made.

"I better get going," Luke stands, setting the wine glass on the table. The sun has set, the time having slipped by them. "See you tomorrow at the office?" Luke asks, glancing down at Ashton. He nods, sipping at his now lukewarm root beer.

"I'll walk you out," Bryana says quietly, bare feet pattering on the wood floor. Ashton leans back, watching his friend walk out. Ashton lets out a sigh, closing his eyes. Life might be getting easier for all of them, and the little moments would be the ones that counted the most, but he still struggled to find his peace.

Tonight though, he let himself feel at peace. With Bryana walking towards him, he would let himself lose himself in her. Whether it be conversation or her gentle caresses, he found peace in the woman he loved.


	2. Beach Weddings, Casually.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Ashtons wedding day and through all the excitement the gang finds a moment to celebrate everything they've achieved. And there's a honeymoon.

**March**

Ashton stared out at the beach letting the rough waves relax him. In a matter of hours he would be married, the last one out of the four if them to do so. In the end him and Bryana had decided to have small ceremony, just their friends and families. The beach house currently hosted Bryana's dad and sister along with Calum and his family. Ashton was glad the beach house was getting some use outside of being a place for Christmas.

Right now Ashton couldn't bring himself to get ready, Bryana had kicked him out of the apartment citing traditions. He chuckles to himself, he couldn't wait to see Bryana in her wedding dress. The place they were having the wedding at wasn't that far from the beach house, he could afford to waste some time.

"I thought I would find you here," Jessie's voice rings out, sounding shaky and tired. Ashton spins around, quickly walking up to his friend. She's five months pregnant now, heavily, the twins making her belly larger that usual. Only recently she found out she had anemia, her own body fighting the pregnancy.

Ashton helps her sit on the steps on the deck, pushing back limp dark hair. Him and Calum have been watching her like hawks, even Nadya being especially careful around her. "You should be at home resting, Jessie," Ashton murmurs, watching as she coughs. Jessie manages a smile, hazel eyes still sparkling despite what she was going through.

"I've been at home too long," Jessie waves her hand, continuing, "Anyways you and Calum are here I'm okay. Here place your hand here," Jessie carefully places Ashton's hand on her stomach and right away he feels a kick, sharp and strong.

"Thats wow," Ashton croons amazed at the lives Jessie was carrying in her. "Thats a fighter right there." Jessie nods, placing her hand back on her stomach.

"A little early but then again what's not wrong with my pregnancy," Jessie tries to joke, earning a strong glare from Ashton. Jessie shrugs, changing the topic. "Are you ready to be married at last?"

"At last?" Ashton laughs, nodding. "Yeah I am. I'm happy with Bry and really this is just a formality." Jessie giggles, swatting at Ashton.

"I better go get ready and take like three of those iron vitamins my doctor gave me," Ashton helps her stand, walking her out to the door. Calum meets them there, a fussy Nadya in his arms. He watches her carefully, making sure Jessie gets into the car, they didn't like her driving around but she was becming increasingly stubborn and no one could really stop her either.

"You need to get ready," Calum says lowly tying Nadya's hair up into a sleek ponytail. "Like now, we leave in thirty minutes." Oh shit, Ashton thinks running up the stairs and into the room he was relocated to.

At the foot of the bed lies his suit, the wedding was semi-formal, a beach wedding not exactly the place for a tux and ball gown. He dresses quickly, running a comb through his hair. It might be a beach wedding but it was still a wedding.

-

They decide to set the chairs in a circle so their sorrounding by their friends and family, the platform him and bryana will be on in the center, mauve curtains winding up and down the posts. There's dozens of tea lights making an aisle, Michael trying to light each one of them, a few tea lights and larger candles bunched around the platform. Ashton eyes the security guards setting up barriers, its been years since they've been mobbed but they weren't taking any chances.

The sun is slowly setting as the guest tickle in, showing off the simple parchment invitations. He wonders what Bryana is doing as he watches Luke and Jessie walk through the sand, taking a seat in the front row. Luke walks up to him, dark circles under his eyes prominent. Ashton smiles gratefully at him, "Glad you and Jess could make it."

"Jessie wouldn't let us miss it for the world," Luke replies back. checking over Ashton's plain white button down and black pants. A sprig of lavender is tucked into the lapel, the only additon of color him and Bryana settled on. "She would've found a way to be here, one way or the other." 

"I believe that," Ashton laughs looking over at Jessie who looks better, more healthy. She's dressed in a loose maroon dress, a gold collar around her neck and a delicate gold and diamond bangle on her wrist. Always the one to be the definiation of elegance. Her dark hair is swept away from her face, a braided leather headband tucked into the chocolate locks. She catches them staring at her and sticks her tongue out, smiling.

Ashton spots Calum from the corner of his eye walking towards them, Nadya in his arms like always. "Hey Cal."

"Looking good Ash," Calum says, letting Nadya slide down. The little girl quickly rights her dress, the long sleeved light blue smock contrasting with her green eyes.

"Unca Ash?" She says, tugging on his pants, Ashton kneels down for her feeling Nadya slip something over his ear. "Here, from Ant Bry." Ashton touches the thing in his hair, taking it off to look at it. It's a white rose, similar to the ones that grew at the beach house, similar to the one Jessie had stuck in his hair ten years ago. He smiles slipping it back, Bryana must be on her way then.

"Looks like we're all settled down now," Michael quips, coming to stand next to Calum. Calum quickly kisses him, tangling their fingers together. Ashton nods, chuckling, what a journey they had all been on.

"Looks like it," he finally says, taking the ring box out of Luke's hand. He opens it, admiring the two diamond studded wedding bands, it match Bryana's engangment ring perfectly. Luke fingers his own wedding band, frowning at it. Ashton sighs, he didn't why know Luke did the things he did, but he hoped his friend would settle down now. He had Jessie and twins to worry over now.

"Fate must have on our side, look at where we are now," Calum says, spreading out his arms capturing the moment. They were all lucky indeed, having found their equals and soulmates. A heartbeat later the four men are in a group hug, laughing and crying over how well their lives have turned out. Ashton focuses on this moment, so years from now he'll be able to recall it with ease.   
  
  


As Bryana walks down the aisle, Ashton may or may not be crying. He quickly wipes at his eyes, watching the blonde walk down the aisle. She's dressed perfectly in ivory lace, the long sleeved dress fitting snugly. She wears no veil, revealing long blonde hair softly curled and pinned back. Sprigs of lavender and baby's breath tucked into the locks. Her father walks her down, staring down at Ashton in the best way possible. He would take this over whatever shitty life he might've had.

Her father hands her over, clasping Ashton's hands in his. "Take good care of her." Ashton nods, nodding his head sharply. He looks out at the crowd smiling at him. He can make out his own mother and sister wiping tears from their eyes, his brother recording them. Another look and he can see his best friends waving him on, Jessie snapping pictures on her polariod. He moves to Bryana kissing her cheek.

"You look absolutely beautiful," He whispers, making their way to the pastor.

"And you look just as handsome," she whispers back, matching tears in her eyes.   
  
  


After the ceremony they head back to the beach house for dinner, his friends pushing tables together and bringing out chairs. Nadya runs around, chasing whatever she's imagining and stressing out Michael who can't keep up with her. Jessie dozes on the couch, a tall glass of a some fruit shake she had to drink in her hand.

Their families continue to walk up to him and Bryana, offering their congratualtions and best wishes. Ashton doesn't let Bryana out of his sight, not wanting to waste a moment without her. She stays by his side, gracefully taking the gifts people hand them and setting them next to the simple two tiered white cake.

Calum and Mali bring out trays of food from Jessie's restaurant, the smells make Ashton's mouth water as he watches Luke set out plates. Music plays from a speaker, soft and mellow, blending  into the mood of the wedding.

"Feel any different?" Luke asks, pouring the two of them champagne. Ashton takes the glass gratefully, sipping on it.

"Not really, me and Bryana have been together five years now? It feels the same, but more permanent."

"I get that," Luke says gently, "You guys planning on moving out of that apartment?"

Ashton nods, draining the last of the champagne. "Yeah, after the honeymoon. She wants a place with a backyard." He laughs, he couldn't imagine him and Bryana in the lavish houses Luke and Jessie, and the Hoods lived in. They didn't need a two story six bedroom mansion like Calum and Michael, or the four bedroom mini ranch Luke and Jessie had. A townhouse, now that could work.

"Babe lets cut the cake," Bryana calls, taking out the flowers from her hair. Ashton pats Luke on the shoulder and makes his way to his new wife.   
  
  


"I would like to thank all of you for coming to our wedding," Ashton toasts, raising a glass of champagne. Bryana mimics him, raising her own glass and soon everyone else raises their glasses. "Each and every one of you holds a special place in our hearts, and we're lucky everyone could make it out tonight."

"Everyone here is special to us and having you all here is a everything we could've wished our wedding to be," Bryana speaks up, sliding an arm around Ashton. He feels himself lean into her, kissing her temple.

"Enjoy tonight and have fun, celebrate  _love_ ," Bryana cheers, raising her glass. Ashton's friends and family all toast, carefully draining their glasses. He turns quickly into Bryana, cupping her cheeks and kissing her firmly.

He couldn't have asked for a better wedding.   
  
  


*

**Mykonos, Greece. May.**

_Ashton stumbles out the room very aware of the drugs and alcohol coursing through his system. The walls close in on him, making him suffocate. He can just make out his band members in front of his, shooting nervous looks. Idiots, he thinks, can't stop bickering for five minutes to ask whats wrong_.

_Dammit why did he lie to Jessie. He realizes now he probably won't make through the show. He's too light headed, the drumsticks in his hands heavy. More than once he has to remind himself to open his fucking eyes. Michael shows him to the drum kit, he really doesn't remember walking out on stage. The screams are too loud, way too loud. His slowing heartbeat is louder, reminding him he's on borrowed time_.

_He manages to tap out the right beat, shaking his head to clear his brain. Darkness closes in, cutting off his breath. Red lights flash behind his eyes_ , _were they stage lights or hell? Ashton_   _feels himself scream, no sound escaping his mouth_.   
  
  


Ashton sits up in bed, soaked in sweat. He tries to catch his breath, even out the beating in his chest. Bryana sleeps next to him peacefully, hair thrown over her face and hands curled under the pillow. Ashton calms at the sight of her, gently getting out of bed.

He makes his way out to the portico of the villa they've been staying at the past week. The cool Grecian air hitting his bare torso. He sits at the pools edge, taking deep and steady breaths. Eventually he calms down, wading into the pool. The cold water washes away the nightmare, clearing the fuzziness away. It was just a dream, Ashton chides himself, ducking under the water. It might have been a dream but it was a memory that wouldn't leave him.

When he comes back up Bryana is watching him, a sheer robe tied tightly around her slim waist. "I got scared when I didn't feel you. What happened?" She pries gently, dipping her feet into the water. Ashton wades up to her, kissing her thigh before resting his head in her lap.

"I had a nightmare, couldn't breath so I came out here," Ashton says looking towards the city lights. He lets Bryana smooth down his hair, murmuring kind words. He never had the heart to tell her that in those nightmares he always died, didn't want to scare her away for good. He was lucky he woke himself up in time.

"Relax, we're cooped up in a beautiful island for another week babe," Bryan coos, kissing the top of Ashton's head. He curls into her, gripping her thighs tightly. Never before had he been able to lean on someone so much, Ashton filed it away under the many reasons he didn't deserve Bryana. He tilts his head up, meeting Bryana in a gentle kiss and sliding his hands up to her hips. 

"Come back to bed," Bryana whispers, tugging Ashton closer. He smiles sadly, walking out of the pool. He should be enjoying his honeymoon, not  _this_. Bryana watches him closely as he settles into one of the lawn couches, wrapping a throw around him.

"Lets stay out here, just for tonight?" Ashton looks at Bryana, waiting for her to roll her eyes and walk back into the villa. Instead she sighs, padding her way quickly to Ashton. She wraps herself around him, letting blonde hair spill over Ashton's shoulder and slender arms tighten around his waist.

"Why won't you let me in?" Ashton thinks she hears her mumble, burying her head in his chest. He doesn't say anything, only presses a kiss to her head and closes his eyes hoping the nightmares wouldn't come back.

-

Ashton loved exploring, it was one of the many perks of being in a band that he enjoyed. He loved walking through new cities and soaking in the atmosphere of whatever country or state he was in. Being in Greece wasn't exactly helping that love.

He enjoyed going out into the heat and exploring Mykonos, and the cities around it. He especially enjoyed the long afternoons him and Bryana would take to enjoy the beach and then eat at a restaurant with a view. Without any distractions and interruptions the nightmares were, thankfully, few and far between.

-

**Athens, Greece**.

They cut their island getaway short by two days, flying to Athens to go see the ruins. Ashton enjoys every minute of it, he never got to see Greece. When the band did stop in Athens it was only for a day and he had been too tired to even lift his head.

Bryana drags him to every boutique and shop she can find, buying gifts for their friends the range from cheesy to unique. "Do you think Jessie could use this in the nursery?" Bryana shows Ashton a carved toy animal set, the different baby animals painted bright shades of blue, green, and yellow.

He nods, gently holding one. "I think she would love these."   
  
  


Ashton enjoyed the humid night that last night, looking over the ancient city. The light danced around him as he fought off sleep, too scared of what might come if he shut his eyes. He dug into the pile of candy Bryana had bought, her sweet tooth finally getting to her. Popping a hard candy into his mouth he leaned over the railing wondering how far down the fall would actually be.

"Stop that." He spins around, gaping at Bryana. She raises a brow, pulling at her tank. "Stop thinking for one goddamn night Ashton and come with me to bed." Ashton sucks in a breath walking quickly over to her. He'll listen to her tonight, and maybe the night after that.

He grabs her by the waist, not breaking his stride. He plants messy kisses on her, tossing her onto the bed. She's giggling, pulling him down. Ashton's thoughts are easily drowned out by her laughter as he kisses her, letting Bryana flip them over.

As far as honeymoons goes, Ashton really wished they could stay in Greece longer.

*

**Sydney, Australia.**

One quiet day, a week after Ashton and Bryana return from Greece, Ashton goes and visits Jessie. She's practically home bound, too lethargic to really go out anymore. He finds her in the living room, going over stacks of paperwork when she should be resting. It looks like a good day for her, though, she's bright and cheery and not at all pale and swollen.

Ashton watches her, letting her finish her work and opting to pet Mops instead. She finally sighs, resting her hands on her huge belly. "It felt good to work for once."

"I don't miss it," Ashton laughs, thinking back to Greece. "Me and Bry got a townhouse, a ten minute drive from here actually." Jessie smiles widely, clapping her hands.

"Really thats great, I'm happy for you two." She reaches for Ashton, clasping her hands over his. Ashton smiles back to her, shaking his head. Jessie was always proud of him, and Ashton was glad she was. Only, he hated how she thought how now everyone could move on with their lives and start a new chapter in their lives.

He couldn't, not yet.


	3. There's a Time for Love, Family, and Pain.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton welcomes the arrival of Jessie's babies but will it the price be too high? Calum and Micheal keep another secret up their sleeve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter finally moves forward from the previous story in this series and take on a life of its own. Also; TW for blood and medical situations and difficult childbirth...

**July**

The news comes as so many things in Ashton's life came, dramatically and stressful. One minute him and Bryana are fooling around early in the morning, a rare day off for both of them, the next minute he's on the phone with a deranged Luke yelling at him.

"Jessie's delivering the twins!" He shouts rattling on about getting her to the hospital and how she might be running a fever. All Ashton hears though is Jessie is in labor and it's enough for him to stumble out of bed, Bryana at his heels.

It's the day after his birthday.

-  
They make to the hospital in twenty minutes, the usually forty minute drive cut down thanks to Bryana's disregard for stop signs and speed limits. Ashton chews on his lip, he doesn't know if he would be able to handle something going wrong with Jessie's delivery.

He calls Calum, knowing the brunet would like to know. Knowing Luke he probably hasn't told anyone but Ashton.

"Calum?"

"It's Jessie isn't it?" He speaks calmly into the phone and Ashton can hear bags being zipped up, Nadya complaining in the distance. "I told her to get the bloody c-section." Calum mumbles into the phone sounding just has frazzled as Luke.

"She just went into labor," Ashton confirms relying what Luke had told him to Calum. He can hear Calum sigh can almost picture the way Calum must be pinching the bridge of his nose with the other hand on his hip.

"Michael's on his way over there, I can't fly me and Nadya out until late tonight because of a meeting."

"We're here," Bryana says quietly slipping on the backpack that held a change of clothes for the two of them and a change of clothes for Jessie.

"When's Michael getting in?" Ashton asks following Bryana into the hospital and into the elevator.

"Several hours? By night time Sydney time the latest," Calum replies back scolding Nadya for pushing Wilson into the pool.

"We'll keep a lookout for him then." Ashton mumbles, hanging up the phone. Bryana shoots him a worried glance taking his hand in hers. No matter what happened Ashton had to make sure they all lived through it.

-  
They're kicked out of Jessie's room by two nurses and the doctor, including Luke. They watch helplessly as nurses insert needles into Jessie checking her and the babies vitals. They had confirmed she was running a fever, most of the things that could go wrong were.

She was anemic and on top of that couldn't eat too much because then she would throw it up. Ashton wanted to slap the dead look that crawling onto Luke's face whenever Jessie wasn't looking.

No one was allowed into the room until Jessie's fever stabilized. No use in getting her sicker. She was barely having contractions.

Hours passes in minutes and next thing Ashton knows Michael is at his side in worn out trainers and baggy sweats, a hoodie pulled over him and a duffel bag across his chest. "What's going on, I just landed." Luke pointedly stares at Jessie's room then at the floor the same dead look washing over him.

Ashton can't make himself speak. He doesn't know how too. Just shakes his head and pulls Michael into a hug. Luckily for him Bryana goes into nurse mode relying the news to Michael as gently as possible.

Jessie has a fever, her weak immune system won't allow anyone else but the doctor and Luke in the room. She can't hold down any solid food, just liquids. Ashton feels sick to his stomach, no one should've let Jessie try to have the twins on her own. She should've had the c-section three weeks ago like her doctor suggested.

Michael slumps next to him texting Calum to get on a plane ASAP. He shakes his head chewing on his bottom lip. "Fuck why does it have to be like this?" He whispers, clutching Ashton's arm.

"What does?"

"Life."

-  
At some point late the next day Jessie's doctor gets called into a more urgent delivery. He leaves sending a much younger doctor in his wake that believes Jessie can deliver the twins without harming herself or the babies.

Ashton blandly listens to the doctor explain all this with a smile, Michael calmly holding back Luke. 

Ashton checks the time; 11 at night. Bryana informs him that Jessie is only a a couple of centimeters dilated

-  
2 am.   
He doesn't remember when he falls asleep but he remembers being woken up the next morning to Luke's shouting. It's eight in the morning. A slow 12 hours since Jessie went into labor.

"I don't fucking care if you think she can do it! I know she can't do it and I demand a c-section!" Luke yells again, restrained by Michael and Bryana. Ashton hopes Calum is on a plane, he's the only that can handle Luke at this point.

"She doesn't need a cesarean section, her fever broke a while ago and she's strong enough to deliver," it's that young doctor again. Ashton vaguely wonders where Jessie's doctor is if this guy is still here.

Quietly he gets Luke by the belt loops and drags him down to the hospital cafeteria for coffee.

-  
5 in the morning and the nurses induce labor. Jessie is only seven centimeters dilated but the contraction pains her to the point that she's screaming. Ashton can hear her yell for pain medication Luke voice ringing out the same.

She's been in labor for twenty hours.

Bryana clings to him muttering medical book nonsense at him to soothe her own worries. "The longer the labor the more at risk the mom and child are," she whispers. Ashton tries not think what risks Bryana means.

"I've never seen such a difficult pregnancy in someone so young and healthy," she mutters and Ashton can tell she's scared down to her very being. Fate dealt Jessie a bad hand in this, cruelly smiling down at their misfortune.

6:30 am  
Calum arrives with a sleeping Nadya at his hip, looking every bit sleep deprived himself. Ashton can bet he hasn't slept in the past day like the rest of them. If not longer, guessing from the way he downs a few cups of coffee in one go.

Jessie is in full on labor now. He can hear her curses and screams from down the hall at the little coffee station. The expecting mothers around him look frightened and sick themselves. He wants to comfort them but he can't find the words to.

7 am

She's crying now. Loudly. Luke is shouting at the doctor to just preform a c-section but the bastard refuses saying something too low for the group to hear.

"Fuck you!" Jessie screams, ending in a sob.

Calum stands up fists clenched. "Why the fuck is that doctor in there! Where's Jessie's doctor?" He shouts gaining the attention of a few of the off duty nurses.

"He had emergency delivery, lasted until late last night so he took the day off," Michael mumbles weakly holding Nadya to his chest. Ashton steers Calum out of the waiting room, the younger man looking ready to barge into the room. He does the same with him as with Luke, drags him down to the cafeteria and forces him to eat.

-  
8:30 am.   
A nurse rushes out of the room looking tired and defeated, stains Ashton rather not know about littered over her scrubs.

"She's given birth to a girl," she says tiredly giving a small smile. "But she's given up, she's exhausted and weak. If she can't deliver the twin we're going to preform the c-section." The nurse has fire in her eyes and Ashton believes that nurse will personally knock out the doctor and deliver the other twin herself if the doctor says something stupid one more time.

They all sit back in their chairs too wary to celebrate the birth of Jessie's daughter.

9 am.

A high pitched wail cuts through the air snapping the four awake from whatever light sleep they were in.

Ashton and Calum stand looking around for the source. Ashton's mind starts thinking the worse. Have they missed something?

A different nurse runs out smiling bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"She's given birth to a boy," the nurse sobers up looking at the friends. "But Jessie's lost a lot of blood in the c-section she's incredibly weak as well. The next twelve hours will determine the inevitable." Ashton feels sick as he watches Luke walk out dazed covered in sweat and blood.

Bryana switches to nurse mode again wrestling Luke into an empty room with the change of clothes they had brought. He comes back out calmer but still on edge.

"I'm done having kids," he whispers letting Bryana sit him in a chair. "I'm not putting Jessie through that again."

Ashton can agree with that. When the doctor comes out haggard looking and in shock Ashton truly believes it must have been his first delivery. It doesn't stop him and Calum from having to be physically restrained by Michael and Luke as they lunge for him.

"You need to go back to med school," Bryana angrily tells him pointing her finger, "and learn to listen to what the mother wants" a nurse quickly comes and ushers the doctor away leaving them with a stern look.

-

**The Next Day**

Finally Jessie is allowed visitors, Calum is the first to walk in with Luke. Calum comes back out and sweeps Nadya into a tight hug and firmly kisses Michael on the mouth. Ashton can see his hands shaking as he holds Nadya tighter, Michael giving Calum a look of relief.

"Come on Ashton," Luke motions for Ashton to follow and he goes tiredly. He didn't know what to expect, gaping at a motionless Jessie. The life support machine buzzing in the distance brings back unpleasant memories, the beeping reminding him of the one time he had been hooked up to them.

The smell is the next thing to hit him but he moves past it, steeling his nerves and sitting next to Luke, across from Jessie. She's pale and breathing shallowly, chest racking breaths that make Ashton fear for her. He can't bring himself to look over the rest of her. So instead he focuses on her eyes, half open but he can still see the fight in those hazel eyes.

"Bastard sewed me up without fucking pain killers," she slurs, reaching a hand out for Ashton. He takes it gently, giving a small squeeze. Luke blanches probably recalling that unpleasant moment and Ashton just has to giggle at that. "Make sure they name my babies right," she sighs, closing her eyes and falling back to sleep.

"Mums on her way over, but I think she's done with today." Luke scrubs at his face, drawing Ashton into a hug. He hugs his friend back tightly, lending strength to the new dad. "Probably be out for the whole morning." Luke pulls away, clasping Ashton's hands.

"What are the babies names?" Ashton asks, curious as to why Jessie wanted the names spelled right.

"Lucia and Danny," Luke says proudly smiling wide. "Will you be the godfather?"

"Of course I will," Ashton replies back stealing one more look at Jessie. Her breathing is already evening out, the heartbeat on the machine beeping at a much steadier pace. "I'll protect them with my life."

-

Three weeks later finds Ashton and Bryana moving into their new townhouse. It's the perfect size for them, only three bedrooms with a small backyard. The neighborhood they moved into also had a community pool giving Ashton the excuse to run over there every morning.

Most of their belongings are already put away, Ashton trying to hook up their new entertainment system. Bryana hops into the room a carefully wrapped platter of cookies and brownies stacked on the plate. "Who are those for?"

"Jessie, she's been feeling sad lately so I'm bringing her sweets, Bryana says solemnly, placing a kiss on Ashton's cheek.

"Sad, but she just had her babies." Ashton remarks, surprised Jessie was feeling down. She had been happy to finally go home a week after the twins birth, kissing both little bundles on the forehead.

"It happens sometimes babe, doctors really don't know why, but sometimes new mothers get really sad after giving birth. Lord knows if Luke is handling it well having his mother in law there too." Bryana gives a wave, walking out the house and leaving Ashton to hook up the t.v set.   
  


Luke was barely handling things. After he had finished the last minute details around the house he had gotten into his car, and after a stop to Luke's favorite restaurant, he drove to Luke and Jessie's house.

Walking into the house he could already hear Jessie's mother and Luke going at it. Ashton shakes his head listening into the conversation. "She needs to be in the States, with her family that take care of her."

"She has her family here Diane! Why do think we've stayed here? Jessie likes it here and I'm not about to move her in the state she's in." Luke argues back sounding tired. When wasn't he tired these days.

"Jade is hardly capable of taking care of twins, she in college in Auckland!"

"I wasn't talking about Jade," Luke yells and Ashton takes it as his cure to walk in. "Ashton is Jessie's family-" Ashton stops in his tracks cocking his head at Luke. "Calum and Michael are her family, Bryana is her family! My family is her family and vice versa, we have a life we can't just uproot and leave behind Diane." Ashton places the takeaway on the counter, gently shaking Luke.

"Luke relax, eat, and then take a nap. Where's Bry?" Ashton scoots Luke towards the living room, letting Mops and Paz follow their owner who is now holding the takeaway bag. Luke shoots him a grateful look.

"She's in our room with Bryana, I don't know if she's alseep or not."

Ashton doesn't wait another minute, hurrying up to the master bedroom. He finds Bryana holding Lucia, swaying to a beat only she can hear. Jessie is on the bed, limply holding Danny, the newborn crying.

"You need to feed him Jess, please, look he's hungry," Bryana says gently, giving the mother wide eyes. Jessie lets out a long sigh, but lifts up Danny. It's a moment Ashton finds too intimate for him to watch and quickly presses a kiss to Bryana's cheek and all but runs out the room, out of the house and into his car.

The next morning he sends over bouquets of Jessie's favorite flowers and a box of pizza for Luke. He watches Bryana silently slip out of the house again, two trays filled with food and baby formula. Ashton sighs, silently praying to a deity he wasn't sure he believed in anymore to let his two friends find the strength to carry on. He prays for Jessie to find the will to live for her new babies.

**September.**

In the middle of September Ashton finds a shiny blue envelope in the mail. He picks it up trying to read Michael's messy scrawl. Honestly the blond needed to work on his penmanship or Ashton needed to buy a magnifying glass.

Either way he slides the envelope open, taking out the simple white card-stock with bright blue and red writing. He reads it once, then twice, a third time for good measure. "What the fuck?" He says out loud just as Bryana bounds down the stairs.

"What are you on about now babe?"

"Did you know Calum and Michael were having another kid?"

"What? They are?" Bryana squeals running over to read the announcement. How long have they kept this from them? From everyone?

"Oh my gosh they're expecting by surrogate!" Bryana cheers, pressing the card-stock to her chest. Ashton feels his head spin, his friends were having another child! Ashton tries to think back to anything that could've given it off, during his wedding, during Jessie's labor. Nothing comes to mind and Ashton mentally freaks out.

"Do they say who's it is?" Ashton manages, taking the announcement out of Bryana's hand.

Why did he's friends get to have the fairytale ending?

"Its doesn't say, why don't you call them. Ten bucks its Calum's," Bryana bets, carefully placing a bill on the fridge.

"Fifteen its Michael's," Ashton mumbles adding a five.

-

"You waited almost four months to tell us you guys were pregnant!" Ashton screeches into the phone, not caring that Michael and Calum are probably getting a close up of his nose hairs. The two guys laugh, Nadya's little giggle coming through. Ashton doubts the four year old knows whats going on.

"We were scared!" Michael astonishes. "With everything that happened to Jessie we wanted to make sure Marie could carry to term."

"We've already gotten this from our mothers we don't need it from you," Calum snarks, holding up a notepad that says 'fuck off' in messy cursive.

"When is.. Marie due?" Ashton finds himself asking, trying to keep the edge off his voice. Why did his friends keep having children and moving on with their lives unsettle him so much. He was the one who decided not to have children, he was happily married. So why? He swallows a sob trying to smile for his best friends, maybe he shouldn't be in their lives anymore.

"Late March, early April," Michael says, going into detail about how they found their surrogate and how Nadya was excited to be a big sister. Calum butts in to fondly tell them him how he's pretty sure the child will have Michael's blonde hair, already excited to have Michael's kid. Michael laughs and shuts him up with a kiss, promptly ending the video call.   
  


The following day Ashton gets a call from Jessie, he quickly answers it hoping everything is well. "Jessie is everything okay?"

"Yes, of course," Jessie says quietly into the phone, sounding more monotone then she had in months. "Did you get Mikey and Cal's announcement."

"Of course I did, I'm happy for them." Ashton pours a cup of coffee, measuring out his meds. Luke needed to get Jessie to a doctor, a proper one. he didn't like the sadness in her voice. It didn't fit the vibrant woman.

"Me too, I know it doesn't sound like it but I am. I'm just so tired Ash, like why did I have Lucia and Danny? I'm not a good mother," Jessie sobs, breaking Ashton's heart.

"Hey listen to me, you are a great mother and Lucia and Danny love you so much already. And you love them, remember that, you love the twins so much it hurts. You need to see that Jessie you deserve your twins just as much they deserve you." Ashton says gently, feeling frustrated at the one thing he couldn't help fix. There was nothing he could do to fix Jessie's spirit.


	4. Take A Trip to The Country Side, Dip Your Toes in the Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton and Bryana take a much needed vacation after a year of surprises and non-stop work.

**March** **, the following year.**

The year passes far too quickly for Ashton to keep up with.

He watched helplessly as Luke juggles work and taking care of the twins, his own mom and mother in law moving in to help. He had watched Bryana spread herself thin with work and going to Luke's place to look after Jessie. He thinks he might've heard Mali coming to Sydney for a week or two to look after his friend as well.

Slowly he watched Jessie piece herself back together, ever the fighter she was. Watches her go to therapy and move on with her life. By November she's livelier, cooing over Lucia and Danny and holding them close to her. By January she's feeding them, her pale complexion warming up. 

Ashton carries on. He takes the bulk of the work so Luke can stay home undisturbed most weeks, staying up late until he can't see the words in front of him.

He goes on runs early in the morning and sticks to his routine feeling better about life the more the people around him heal.

-

All to quickly his one year wedding anniversary comes up, Ashton realizes the date is coming up when he's brushing his teeth, taken by surprise. Thankfully he has time on his side. Almost two weeks before the anniversary.

Ashton does the only thing he knows would be a gift to both of them.

"We're going to New Zealand?" Bryana quirks her eyebrows at Ashton, carefully setting down the dinner she had made.

Ashton nods, showing her the plane tickets. "It's like a gift for both of us. We've never really been there and it's right there, a short flight away!"

Bryana looks over the schedule carefully, pushing blonde hair out of her face. Ashton admires her, dressed carefully in loose button down shirt and a flowery skirt. A rarity since she's usually in scrubs. "It's only a week Bry, you can take the days off." Ashton tries again weakly, serving rice onto his plate.

Bryana smiles glancing up at him, "I can but I shouldn't. They are for emergencies."

"This is an emergency. We're both stressed out and it's our anniversary," Ashton is ready to give up, frowning as he takes a bite of the chicken Bry made.

"We have been pretty stressed, I guess it wouldn't hurt." Bryana shrugs gracefully, spooning rice onto her plate finally. Ashton cheers, standing up and making his way over to his wife. He wraps his arms around her shoulders pulling his wife to his chest laughing out loud.

"I love you," he breathes pulling her into a deep kiss. She giggles, wrapping delicate arms around his neck.

-

**Auckland, New Zealand.**

"Jade is that you?" Ashton asks surprised, staring at the young woman in front of him. He hadn't seen her since Jessie had announced her pregnancy. The girl turns around, smiling wide, and runs towards Bryana and him.

"Ashton!" She cries, throwing herself at him. Ashton catches her, laughing brightly himself. Her hair is tightly pulled back, hazel eyes twinkling. Ashton pulls back taking her in, she was like another little sister to him, to the whole group actually, but she clung to him the most. She's in overalls, a pink crop top underneath and beat up converse. The tally tattoo catches his eye, now surrounded with tiny roses. "Bryana, what brings you two here?"

Ashton looks around the farmers market they had decided to explore. He didn't expect Jade to be hanging around here either, "Bry likes farmers markets, I like the food. What brings you here Jade?"

The brunette smiles shyly, sticking her hands into her pocket, "Come check out mine and my friends jewlery and pottery yeah?" Bryana laughs, linking her arm with Jade's and walking off. Ashton rolls his eyes but follows along.

-

"How's university Jade?" Ashton directs, dipping chips into some creation Jade made that was actually good. Jade swallows her burger, flicking a lettuce his way.

"Its great, I think I actually have a higher gpa than Jessie ever did," Jade quips, stealing food off of Bryana's plate.

"What are you majoring again in?" Bryana speaks up, sipping on her drink.

"International business, but law school sounds nice too," Jade shrugs as if its no big deal. Ashton feels something sink, he wished he had the chance to enjoy the things Jade was expeirancing right now. Jade babbles on, going into detail of her college life and how she got into making jewlery on the side.

"So hows my cousin?" Jade becomes serious, sitting up straighter and resting her chin on her hands. "I hate that I couldn't be there."

"She's doing better, your mother must've told you about her... depression," Bryana speaks quietly, leaning in closer to Jade. "But she's getting better, and the twins are adorable you really should come down on your next break."

"Yeah, we'll fly you Jade," Ashton butts in finishing Jade's chips. "No problem."

"Thanks, maybe i'll take up the offer. I feel so much for Jessie, but I'm glad she's doing better she's too much in love with the idea of having a perfect family and too headstrong to give that up," Jade finishes quietly. "Give her this for me please?" She hands over a chunky bronze bracelet with a locket at the end.

"I know she doesn't give anything that isn't designer a second look but this something I made for her, look," Jade opens the locket, revealing a picture of the two on Jessie's wedding both girls caught laughing. Ashton smiles, clasping the bracelet to Bryana so he won't lose it.

"Now tell me about Calum and Michael's new baby, I feel like I'm so behind on the news here," Jade laughs. lightening the mood. Ashton watches her happy the youngest memeber of their little group was finding her place in the world.

 

**April**

**L.A.**

In the first week of April Ashton finds himself on a plane bound to L.A. He hand't been in the city of angels in a while, the familiar whiz and whirl of the the industry making him miss making music. It was one thing to work behind the scenes now but Ashton would always crave the stage, continue missing long nights at the studio being inspired by the moon.

Bryana falls in love with the city all over again, complaining over how long she had been away from the place, her family home. "We have to meet up with some friends after this Ash, and hit up our old hangouts." She says, snapping a photo as their car whizzes past the stores.

Ashton is reminded of why they were here in the first place; Calum and Michael had finally welcomed their new baby home a few days ago.

Their new baby girl.

-

"Whats her name?" Ashton whispers, carefully walking into the new baby's nursery. Calum is sat on an ottoman, Marie rocking the newborn in a comfortable looking rocking chair next to him.

"Nikki," Calum smiles up at him, finally deciding to make his way over to Ashton. He takes Calum in his arms, giving him a tight hug. When he had ran into Michael downstairs, the father couldn't stop smiling, a few happy tears sliding down his cheek. Calum was no different, a giggle escaping him.

Marie shoos them out, letting them both speak above a whisper. "How was the delivery?" Ashton asks, hoping Marie didn't go through the same things Jessie had gone through.

"Good, the doctor was a little confused as to why there were two dads, but other than that it was smooth," Calum shrugs, catching a squealing Nadya in his arms. "Nadya, tone it down, your sister is sleeping."

"Oops, hi Unca Ash," Nadya chirps out, barreling past the two. Ashton raises a brow, looking at Calum.

"She's going on a playdate with her friend Jasper and she's excited about it," is the only explanation Calum gives, steering Ashton towards the kitchen. Ashton really liked Calum's house, how spacious it was. The cozy mansion suited the couple well.

They find Michael and Bryana toasting beer, Bryana and Ashton's gift on the kitchen table. "Whats this?" Calum says looking at the plain brown wrapping paper.

"A gift," Michael deadpans, taking Calum into his arms. "For Nikki."

"No shit Michael, I'm opening it," Calum decides out loud, tearing into the paper. Ashton laughs, watching Michael roll his eyes. "Oh look!" Calum holds out the knit blanket Bryana had found at the farmers market in New Zealand, the plain white blanket edged with lace and tiny blue flowers. Michael digs into the box, pulling out small yellow stuffed rabbit.

"How cute is this, thanks Bry, Ashton." Michael smiles at the both of them, pulling them into a hug.

Later Ashton is finally allowed to hold Nikki, the newborn still in a deep sleep. Ashton studies her trying to make out any familiar features. She has a shock of blonde hair, and Michael's nose so far. Ashton is torn between wanting her to grow quickly so he can see if she has anything of Michael and wanting her to stay little. It leads him to think about how his own child would look if he had one.

Ashton doesn't dwell too long on it, pushing the thought away in favor of humming to Nikki. Tonight he would celebrate Michael and Calum welcoming in another life into their family.

*

**Albuquerque, New Mexico.**

Ashton drummed a lazy beat on the drum set in front of him. He wondered if he still had it, if he he could still hit so many beats in the fraction of the time. The little hole in the wall bar him and Bryana were at closed in on him, the small crowd staring up at him excited. He could feel his chest contract, throat drying up. Who convinced him to get up on a stage again.

He drums louder, the beat seeping into his body. Out of the corner of his eye he can see the rest of the band he was checking out start up slowly. He taps out the right beat, sucking in a breath.  _Oh yeah_ , he convinced himself. "Lets Go!" He screams, throwing himself fully into the song.   
  


Bryana is there to pull him into a kiss after he walks off the stage, wrapping her arms around his waist. "You did great, its almost like you never stopped playing." She murmurs, handing him a beer. Ashton nods, smiling down at her, he hasn't touched a drum set since the last tour ended. His sets slowly collecting dust in a storage shed somewhere. In fact, besides Calum, he thinks the rest of his friends haven't touched their instruments.

"The band wants to know if you'll sign them," she quips shrugging her shoulders. Ashton watches her walking off, cowboy boots covered by the long knit shawl she had bought earlier today.

"We're supposed to be on vacation!" He yells after her, knowing it was a lost cause. They had decided to explore the states a little more, enjoy a bit of a road-trip. They had gone to Las Vegas first, then came here. Tonight they'll decide where to go next.

Sighing Ashton makes his way over to the band they had discovered late this afternoon, a local hit. Their fans were lined up, patiently waiting for photos and autographs. It brought back fond memories of the bands early years, and Ashton found himself smiling wishing he could do it all again properly.

"Hey man!" the lead singer calls, jumping off the stage and walking up to him. "You were great on drums, like where'd you learn to play like that?" Ashton chuckles, shaking his head.

"Taught myself actually, my whole band did. " Ashton waves to a few people that call his name in passing, older bar hoppers that probably, vaguely remember him. "How we ever got signed is a question I'd like answered." Not true, it was Luke's own scheming that got them the record deal, all but selling off the last few years of being teenagers to being overworked. Not that Ashton was going to tell them that, the label didn't work that way anymore.

"Nah, no way! Like your bassist was my inspiration," the singer says, proudly holding up his own bass. He was young and Ashton really wanted to sit him down and tell him how everything really worked, but he couldn't bring himself to. "Tell him that for me?"

"Sure," Ashton promises, motioning him to follow. "Now how about we talk about a record deal over drinks?"

"Oh I'm underage Mr. Ashton," the lead shyly says, still following the drummer. Ashton laughs dryly, he was still a kid.

"No problem you can have water while I drink," Ashton deadpans, at the end of the night business was business and Ashton couldn't deny that this band deserved to play in the big leagues. He would personally handle this band himself, if only to save them from walking down the same path he did.

*

**Corpus Christi, Texas.** **Six** **Days later.**

Ashton admired the sandcastle him and Bryana had built, knowing the waves will take it under in a matter of hours. He tucks Bryana under his arm, pressing a kiss to her temple. Tomorrow they would start their drive back to L.A to return the car Michael and Calum had lent them. They had managed to make it to Denver and Springfield, before coming down here. Overall it was a pretty good road trip.

Now he was ready to head back to Sydney. He had been away for almost three weeks. Staring out now at the grey ocean in front of him, he found himself missing Sydney's blue waters.

"Ready to go home?" he mutters to Bryana. She nods, leaning up to kissing him on the cheek.

"Of course, it's been fun but time to go home."

Ashton nods, slipping his hand into hers. Work was calling him, Sydney was calling him, his life was calling him. He felt more relax going back this time, ready to take on what waited for him in Sydney. Which knowing how his group of friends were, there were probably something already waiting for him.

"Lets go."


	5. Taking the Good with the Bad and the Painful

**October**.

Ashton can't seem to get a hold of time. The months whirl past him yet again, the seasons changing with them. He watches Jessie become healthy again in her own ways, shoving those early months of motherhood deep into a box never to open again. He helps her when he can, going over to watch the twins while Jessie makes conference calls or goes over emails in the office not more than three feet away from him.

He gets to see the twins start to crawl, Lucia the one always pushing her brother around. They start to walk right before their first birthday, making Jessie and Ashton spends hours recording them and taking pictures.

He sees them turn one, the light blonde hair they both inherited from Luke covering their eyes. They have Jessie's hazel eyes, bright and curious munchkins that keep Jessie and Luke on their feet.

Too quickly Nadya turns five, all but giving her parents a heart attack. Calum complains to him about how she wants to do everything, quitting dance and going into gymnastics. Ashton giggles as Michael tells him off about sending Nadya a box full of children's ball gowns for her to play dress up with.

He takes his new band under his wing, flying out to L.A most of time to watch them record and write songs. He gets Calum to help them, turning out couple of songs. He leaves them in Michael and Calum's hands by September feeling good for himself.

He stops by their house late in September, just to coo over Nikki. "Look at her, she's so big!"

"I know, and colicky too," Calum grumbles, rinsing the dishes from dinner. Michael has Nadya in his lap, helping her trace letters. Ashton looks down at Nikki, the baby staring up at him. She has Marie's amber eyes, but Michael's dirty blonde hair. She's starting to teeth, a tooth showing when she smiles up at Ashton.

Ashton can live with spoiling his friends children. He almost forgets he quietly turned thirty.

-

Late in October Jessie calls Ashton frantic.

"Someone broke into the Melbourne restaurant," she says in a rush, startling Ashton. He quickly sets aside the paper he was reading, giving Bryana wide eyes. "Luke and I are flying over there in a few hours. Would you mind looking after the twins?"

"No, I don't mind," Ashton finds himself saying, already standing to change out of his sweats. "Your house or mine?'

"Mine, they have everything over here and really Ash? Your house isn't exactly baby proof."

Ashton rolls his eyes, keeping Jessie on the phone as he packs an over night bag. "My house is not that bad."

"You have a crystal spike in your dining room," Jessie retorts, and Ashton can hear her moving around her own room.

"Its a geode, and you also have expensive stuff in your house."

"Tucked away for the time being." Ashton huffs into the line, saying bye to Jessie.

"Bry? Looks like we're spending the night in Luke's house!"

-

Bryana is a pro at taking care of the twins, somehow knowing their different personalities perfectly. Ashton still gets confused almost giving the wrong food to Lucia when it should've been given to Danny.

"They're twins! They should like the same things," Ashton exclaims, putting Danny in his walker so him and Bryana can eat the food Jessie had left them.

Bryana laughs, putting Lucia down in the play pen so she can throw around those building blocks Calum had sent. He watches the twins feeling a little bad that he didn't see their different personalities until now, considering how much time he spent around them.

"Just because they're twins doesn't mean they can't like different things. But look," Bryana points to the twins in time for Ashton to watch Danny throw a block at Lucia, Lucia making a face and babbling at her twin in only a language they seemed to know. "They still get each other."

Ashton gives a small smile, walking towards Bryana to grab his plate of food.   
  
  


By eight Bryana has the twins bathed and in pajamas, already cooing them to sleep in the large nursery. Ashton pops his head in, admiring the varying shades of pink, blue, and purple the small crystal like chandelier set down on low. Danny is already asleep, a tiny hand wrapped around his sisters.

"See they can't be apart," Bryana whispers lowly, still trying to get Lucia to fall asleep. "Lucia is too curious she wants to stay up way past her bedtime." Bryana coos, something in Ashton's tightening , then shattering. Bryana deserved to be a mother, she made a great one and all Ashton was doing was holding her back.

He presses a kiss to Bryana's forehead quickly, mumbling that he'll be in the guest bedroom. He strides down the hallway quickly, ducking into the guest bathroom and turning on the sink, letting the tears flow.

Thats whats been messing with him, he knows now. Bryana didn't deserve this she deserved a normal life, with a picket fence and a dog and blonde babies running around the house. Something he could never give her.   
  
  


He's breathing shallows, and he has to fight the urge to punch what he knows is Jessie's and Luke's expensive mirror. He slumps down on the floor biting at his knuckles, panicking, thinking. He glances around and opens the cabinet on top of the toliet and rumages through it.

Its a small chance, but he doesn't think its a habit Jessie would've grown out of. Back when they all lived in the beach house and couldn't take care of each other and depended way to much on Jessie, she kept everything stocked. Medicine cabinets, the toliteries, everything customized to the each of their needs. Which included most times, Ashton's pills.

He shoves a small first aid kit to the side finding a row of bottles. What the hell? He calms slightly, reading each label carefully. A prescription for Michael for ADD, a small bottle of childrens pain medicine, a prescription of anxiety pills and sleeping pills for Calum, migraine medicine for Mali, heartburn medicine for all of them, and emergancy birth control for Bry? Next to Bry's bottle are his medicines, and Ashton shakes his head again too calm now to take the anxiety pill.

After all these years Jessie was still taking care of them. He could only wonder how her own private medicine cabinet looked. Ashton looks at the bottles again, he didn't realize their career had fucked with all of them, in different ways. He wasn't the only who had seen a doctor and filled out a prescription.

The only question that haunted him was; when did they fill out their prescriptions?   
  
  


Two days later he drags himself out before the sun is up and runs around the neighborhood twice, before planting himself at the pool. Its barely warm enough to go in so opts for sticking his toes in the water, shocking himself with how cold it is.

He waits, thinking over his plan. How he's going to confront Bry. Let her know its okay if she wants to leave, that she didn't have to stay with him out of pity she deserved the life she wanted. 

"Hey you." Ashton cocks his head not bothering to turn around. If he did, he'd lose his resolve.

"Did you forget it was my day off, and that we're meeting your family for breakfast pretty much now," there's no anger in her voice and sometimes Ashton wished there was. Just so he knew that this was hard on her too.

"Bryana."

Bryana sighs and sits next to him, crossing her legs. The cuffs of her jeans perfectly rolled up to show off the leather straps of her sandals. Bryana takes his hand, wedding rings glinting with the sun. "Stop, Ashton please stop feeling guilty about everything. Not everything is your fault, or a side affect of what happened all those years ago. Sometimes its because life sucks and that the only answer."

"Not when it comes to you," he mumbles, taking his hand out of hers.

"What do you mean?"

He stands, pacing the pool. "What do I mean? What I mean is that you shouldn't have to stay with me out of pity. I see the way you look at the twins, at Nikki and Nadya. You love the hell out of the and you deserve that, the big house and kids and the whole nine yards crap. Not being stuck here with me who can't even take care of a fish!"

He sees a shadow cross over Bryana's face and he knows he's pissed her off. The shadow passes quickly a dozen more emotions cross over her face but Ashton finds himself speaking again, letting off everything he has held inside him since Greece.

It comes out choppy, his wish that she wouldn't be so perfect all the goddamn time, how he loves how shes so patient with him. How he doesn't know how to protect or care for Jessie anymore. How he wishes his bandmates, scratch that best friends, would open up to him more and not keep him in the dark.

"Why? Why didn't they ever tell me they went to therapy and to doctors and now have these prescriptions and pills to take. How does Jessie know and I don't?" He wipes his eyes, finding that he had been crying the whole time.

"Why do I feel like I'm still miles behind them when I have everything I could want?"

Bryana finally settles on an emotion, a sad smile that doesn't each her eyes but her eyes filled with love. "You could've told me you were hurting so much Ash." She brings him into her arms, kissing him. "I think, they kept it from you because you needed to heal first and then you did and everyone started their lives and suddenly it wasn't important anymore."

"You like to claim yourself as the one to take care of our little bunch and that might've been true when you guys were teenagers but ever since Jessie came back into the picture she's been the one taking care of you guys. That's why everyone handed her over a bottle of their pills, shes the mother hen now baby, not you." As she said the words Ashton found them to be true. In every instance except the birth of the twins Jessie was the one comforting them, saving them, helping them.

All he could do now was trust Jessie to continue.

To trust his family to have his back now and forever.

"You and Calum support her and help her," Bryana said at last, "But we all love you and we all love each other. I love you the most, and maybe I did want those things years ago but we got married and you made it clear having children wasn't in the picture and I accepted that and found that I could live without adding to the population. We have Calum's kids and Jessie's kids to love and adore and watch grow up, without having to do all the parenting."

Ashton nodded again, shrugging forward into Bryana's arms. "Okay, I'll set up an appointment with my therapist hash it out again, try to get over the guilt."

"You have everything you ever imagined for yourself," Bry said softly, "Its about damn time you enjoyed it."

Ashton looks up at the bright sky, not a single cloud in sight, and grins widely. Yes maybe it was time to let go of the past and just enjoy his life as it was. 

The good, the bad, and everything in between.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone still keeping up with this series!


	6. Ashton's International Holiday Vacation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> spiltting time between friends and loved ones can be especially hard during the holidays, but its the love that counts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for dropping off the face of the earth and not updating. Life keeps getting in the way... enjoy the chapter!

**November-December**

Early in November Ashton and Bryana receive an invitation in the mail from the Hoods. 

Ashton tears it opening cursing the Australian heat under his breath even as sweat drips into his mouth. He makes a face and tries to spit it back out only to to start choking on his own sweat.

"Whats that?" Bry calls from the bedroom where she's laying in her underwear a charcoal mask on her face. 

Ashton takes it to the room reading out loud. "You are formally-- when did Micheal start using the word formally? You are formally invited to spend Thanksgiving with us this year on Thursday November 22 at 6pm." He flipped the invite to show Bryana the drawing Nadya had done of her, Calum and Micheal, and her sister. 

Bryana grins as much she can in the masks and reaches for the invite re-reading it again. "I wonder if Luke and Jessie got invited, I'm going to call her." 

"Hey babe," Ashton begins gesturing to his face but his wife is already on the phone dialing Jessie's number.

"Yeah?" Bryana asks picking dirt from under her nail. 

Ashton decides not to mention the black face masks instead shrugging and saying. "I'm going to order Thai and ice cream, the usual?" 

"Hey Jessie!" Bryana squeals giving Ashton a thumbs up. He laughs to himself and closes the door, first sending off a text to Calum saying yes to Thanksgiving and then calling their favorite Thai place to put in an order. 

As they're eating out on the deck pressing cold drinks to their necks because even after the sun has gone down it was still ridiculously hot, Bryana talks about what Jessie had told her. 

"So Jessie and the twins are going to Dallas to spend Thanksgiving with her parents and she said even Jade was going over." 

"Really I thought Jade was living the struggling artist life at the moment?" Ashton's eyebrows raise. "So no Luke?" 

"She didn't say anything about Luke but the way she worded it sounds like just them three, but yeah she won't be heading to Calum and Micheal's." Bryana shrugs. "Don't make a big deal out of it babe, it's not our place." She gives him a look like she can already hear the argument that Ashton was ready to start. 

"Its too hot to argue so no." 

Ashton promptly closes his mouth, opting instead to take a long chug of the beer he was drinking. No ruining Thanksgiving, got it.

~

**California- two days before Thanksgiving.**

Calum picks them up at the airport with Nadya in tow dressed like she was ready for a ballet concert with her hair slicked back in a bun and the five year old dressed in her favorite black sparkly tutu. 

"So glad you guys could make it, I just need to drop this one off at practice and then we can go grab lunch or something." 

Bryana is quick to pick up Nadya and ask her hows she's doing, tickling her sides. Ashton nods and pulls Calum into a hug. "Food, sleep, whatever mate as long as we get out of this airport. How's Nikki and Mikey?" 

Calum laughs loudly and shakes his head. "They've never been better except Micheal's come down with a bit of a cough but he's still insisting on helping me cook even though I've told him to let me do everything." 

"Looks like you guys are true Americans now," Bryana smiles pulling out a bag of sour gummies that Nayda loves but Calum hates with a passion. The little girls face lights up as she digs her hand into the bag. 

"Only three Nadya," Calum says sternly giving Bryana and Ashton a look.

"What we're her uncle and aunt," Ashton shrug. Calum rolls his eyes and marches forward to baggage claim. 

~

 

At the Hood residence Micheal laid wrapped up in a blanket burrito with Nikki not more than a couple feet away in her bassinet snoring lightly. Moana plays on the t.v muted and there's groceries strewn all over the kitchen. 

Calum looks fondly at his little family and Ashton can just see the happiness and love radiating off his best friend. Bryana smiles warmly up at Ashton wrapping her arms around his waist. He pulls her in tight, kissing her forehead gently.

"Hey idiot, you're snoring plus Ash and Bry are here." Calum says quietly into Micheal's ear careful not to wake the baby. 

"Moana!" Nadya screeches waking up both Micheal and Nikki. 

"Nadya," Calum sighs scrubbing his face with his hands. "Please go change out of your tutu and into something comfy." 

The little girl runs up the stairs lightning fast hoping not to get into anymore trouble as Ashton and Bryana coo over Nikki trying to get her to stop crying. Ashton smiles down at her the infant glaring up at him. She's definitely taking on Micheal's looks for sure he thinks to himself. 

"Where's Mali?" Micheal yawns wrapping his arms around Calum's waist tightly. "Wasn't she supposed to be in today also?"

Calum shakes his head, pulling out his phone and checking it twice. "No... that can't be right Mali said the twenty-first not the twentieth." 

Ashton is about to speak up when there's three loud bangs at the front door, scaring everyone. Nadya even runs down the stairs clutching her socks and a stuffed rabbit. 

"Calum open up this door now!" Mali's voice rings out, Calum stumbling over the couch and sprinting to the front door. Next to him Nikki cries out as she is once again woken up from her nap. Bryana pulls the baby to her chest humming even though Ashton can see the laughter in his wife's eyes. 

Ashton an Micheal share a look and Micheal rolls his way, languidly getting off the couch  and popping his neck. "Here give her to me, she needs her bottle anyways." He murmurs and takes Nikki into his arms walking quickly to the kitchen. 

Calum manages to pull open the front door and Mali all but falls in clutching her carry on to her chest and looking like she had a rough couple of nights. "You forgot me at the airport, I've been trying to call you!" 

Mali walks all the way in leaving her luggage outside and heads straight for the kitchen waving at Ashton and Bryana. Ashton decides to help Calum and retraces his steps and picks up the luggage, "What rooms are we in?"

"Um You guys are in the room next to us and Mals is in the room next to Nayda. You and Bry have your own bathroom." Calum lifts their luggage and begins walking to up the stairs. 

Looks like Thanksgiving was beginning to be a big affair. 

 

Over the next two days Ashton threw himself into being the best uncle and friend he could be. He went grocery shopping with Calum and Nadya, trying hard not to roll his eyes whenever Calum made a fuss about the food they were buying. 

Calum called his mom about three times asking for different recipes and whether or not deep frying a turkey was a good thing. (It probably wasn't but Micheal and Ashton were going to try and deep fry the turkey anyways.) Nadya wandered off only twice and both times they found her in the bakery and Ashton finally gave in and bought the little girl chocolate chip cookies. 

After, after all the groceries are put away and Calum leaves out everything for the next day, they all pile up on the couch and pop in a movie. 

"Hey," Ashton whispers, hitting Micheal over the head. "Since when did you guys start celebrating Thanksgiving?" 

Micheal swats back at him giving him a look. Parenthood was doing wonders for Micheal's patience Ashton thought. "Now that Nadya goes to school, they've been teaching her about Thanksgiving and all that and she wanted to have turkey and well you know Calum." Micheal says sarcastically but Ashton can see the fondness in his eyes as they both watch Calum scoot Nadya closer to his side and play with her hair.

Ashton smiles widely, patting Micheal's thigh. 

 

On Thanksgiving day Calum and Bryana wake up early to start cooking. 

Ashton, Micheal, and Nadya stumble down the stairs around 10 am, both men heading straight for the coffee pot while Nadya goes and parks herself in front of the t.v turning on her cartoons. 

"No coffee?"

"Whats for breakfast?" 

"Cookies?" 

Calum whips around looking sightly ridiculous and crazed as he stirs pumpkin filling. "Foods almost ready, get a bowl of cereal." 

Nadya far ahead of her dad and uncle is already in the pantry pulling down the box of Lucky charms and oreos. Ashton nods turning around making the coffee for everyone, he only slows once to give Bryana a kiss on the cheek before walking quickly out of the kitchen. 

Micheal ungraciously takes the turkey from the fridge and sets on the counter. "That bird is mine." 

Calum gives a nod but otherwise doesn't say anything. 

 

A few hours before Calum had said dinner would be served Ashton and Micheal take the turkey outside onto the patio where Micheal had set up the deep fryer at the edge of the tile, far away from the windows, the kids, and the dogs. 

"Okay so we already seasoned the bird, the instructions say to fill the canister up with peanut oil and then we dip the bird in there and leave it for two hours." Micheal shrugs tossing the instruction booklet over his shoulder. 

Ashton decides to snap a few photos of Micheal dropping the bird into the fryer before helping out and pouring in the peanut oil. They set the flame and settle into the lawn chairs, Ashton pulls out his phone again and sets up an alarm he had seen too many videos of these things going up into flames. 

This turkey wasn't, not on his watch

 

~

 

The turkey was up in flames.

So maybe Ashton and Micheal thought it would be a good idea to take a nap, have a few beers inside with Mali and Bryana. 

Ashton knows he fell asleep around there, doesn't quite remember his alarm going off either. Next thing he knew Bryana was shaking him awake with that calm urgency he loved about her, but right now she was shaking him a little too roughly... and screaming. 

"The turkey is on fire! Get the dogs away!" 

Ashton sits up, swinging his legs over so fast his knee pops loudly. He can hear Calum behind him shushing Nadya, telling her everything would be alright. Across from him Micheal is calling 911, Nikki's cries drowning out his voice. 

Ashton sprints across the living room and rushes out into the backyard. The turkey is indeed in flames, black smoke wafting upwards towards the sky in deep black puffs. He dodges around the deep fryer and makes way to where the dogs are pacing in their runner. Duchess barks frantically, Duke the newest Aussie in the Hood family howls loudly scratching at the wood. 

Ashton holds his breath and makes a run for it straight to the runner. He picks up Duke and opens the gate for Duchess who immediately makes a break for the back door and leaps into the living room. 

Ashton leaves through the back gate and makes his way to the front where Calum and the rest of his family are, he can hear sirens in the distance and Ashton would like to think the worst of it is over. 

It's not.

The turkey and deep fryer explode. Loudly. 

It ends up on social media and 5 Seconds of Summer starts trending again on twitter after two years. 

~

"And thats why I had another turkey in the oven because I knew letting Micheal deep fry it was a bad idea." Calum says placing the second and much better cooked turkey in the center of the table, beautifully decorated with side dishes and small sunflower arrangements.

Luke laughs softly helping Calum by serving Nadya (who insisted on sitting next to other uncle.) Micheal makes a face, grimacing while he scoops green beans onto his plate. Mali rolls her eyes but otherwise doesn't say anything, just spoons more mashed potatoes into her mouth. 

Yeah Luke showed up, downtrodden and miserable because he had nowhere to go and Jessie didn't want him in Dallas. 

"All that matters is that we're all together right?" Luke says quietly, cutting up his own piece of turkey. "Safe and sound."

Ashton keeps quiet sipping on beer. 

Was everything Thanksgiving like this? He didn't think so.

~

When December rolls around its Luke this time that sends out the invitations. 

Bryana walks in holding the invitation and two plane tickets in her hand. She sits at the edge of the bed and says. "Looks like Luke invited us to an all paid expense paid trip to Bali." 

Ashton snorts grabbing the tickets out of her hand. Huh for the private jet, fancy. "As if we're all not millionaires." 

Bryana shrugs and gives a small smile, the way his bandmates and occasionally Ashton spent their money made her uncomfortable at times but Ashton liked to reassure her that the money they made and had made in their youth wouldn't be tapped into for quite sometime. Things were good, they deserved nice things sometimes. 

Like spending Christmas in Bali.

**Bali. Christmas.**

The sun beats down on Ashtons neck as he furiously digs at the sand. Beads of sweat roll down his neck but he refuses to wipe it away in favor of packing more dirt into the small pale blue bucket. 

"You're slow," Nadya squints up at him unpacking another bucket of sand next to her already formed sand castle. She fusses with it for a moment adding a few seashells her and Calum had collected earlier in the day. 

Ashton squints back at her hitting the bottom of his bucket. The sand falls out and crumbles landing in the mountain of sand that was supposed to be his castle. He had never been particularly good at sand castle building, looks like he had lost whatever skill he'd had. 

He gives up on the sand castle and sticks a little red flag on the top of the pile. "Its a hut can't you tell?" 

"An ugly hut," Nadya responds just as fast and finishes sticking seashells and flags on her castle which actually does look like a castle much to Ashtons dismay. He was going to have to talk to Micheal about her sass,  _geez_  he wondered where she got it from. 

Ashton looked around, reclining back in the sand. The water lolled back and forth un-knotting  all the tension in his body. He can hear Bryana and Jessie chatting in the distance where they had set up camp under a canopy. Ashton can already picture Bry holding Lucia in her arms while trying to read one of her crime novels while Jessie has Danny and Nikki feeding them both small pieces of fruit.

In the water, Calum, Micheal, and Luke surf. The sun bounces off them as the climb back on their surf boards ready to tackle the next wave.

Ashton digs his toes into the sand laughing when Nadya gets bored with her sand castle and topples it over.

The sun dips and nighttime comes quietly. 

~

On Christmas day all the families stay in their pjs and slowly make their way to the deck where a feast is already been laid out for them. Ashton mentally notes to leave something for the staff at the private resort they were staying at. 

Of course there's a Christmas tree with presents for the kids which Calum dutifully hands out letting Nadya tear into her gifts while he sips on coffee. 

Luke sits next to Ashton handing him a bowl of mangoes and yogurt. "I think this has to be the best Christmas so far, don't you think?" 

Ashton nods slowly smiling widely when Nadya opens the gift from him and Bry. A stuffed chicken she had been wanting from Moana and she was currently losing her mind. 

"Yeah I think this Christmas has been the best." 

Everything had been so relaxful and joyous the entire week it reminded Ashton just how busy they had been this past year, so caught up in work and their own lives. It felt nice to take a beak for a while and soak up the sun. 

He could only hope the new year would bring the same peacefulness he had enjoyed this past week. 

**New Years, Singapore.**

After Christmas and after all their friends had packed up and left Ashton and Bryana made the decision to carry on their peace vacation and ring in the new year in Singapore. 

Bryana finds them a  room with a view, over looking some of the skyscrapers and the water of course. There's a infinity pool out on the balcony that reflects the lights of the city. That first night Ashton and Bryana strip off their clothes and sink into the pool sipping on beers and munching on satay. 

Two days later they finally go exploring, visiting the downtown food vendors eating their hearts out with coconut rice, Laksa, Hokkien prawn Mee and many other side dishes that Ashton quickly forget the name of but the taste lingered with him for the rest of the afternoon.

They took a quick trip up the Singapore Flyer before parting ways; Ashton to the sprawling botanical gardens and Bryana to Orchard Road to seek out some high fashion clothes and unique jewlery to bring back to their friends. 

Hours later they would find each other again at one of the many outdoor food vendors where they would eat noodles together and sip on beer. Bryana pulled out their itinerary and map crossing out the places they went to and the places they were still trying to go to. 

When they parted again Ashton took off the malls while Bry took off to one of the many art museums. 

They spent the days leading up to new years eve touring the island and visiting as much as possible. Who knew when their lives would lead back to this part of the world again. As Ashton watched the sun set on New Years eve he thought about this, their lives were so completely normal now how was it that he had been to this part of the world more times when he was a teen then now? 

The band had traveled so much when they were younger it all seemed like another lifetime ago, especially now when their schedules lined up about every few months or so despite them running a business together. 

Ashton leaned across the balcony soaking up the last few rays of sun. He would always treasure this beauty even after his hair had gone gray and the world had moved on from him and his friends. 

At midnight Bryana and Ashton ring in the new year with a bottle of Singapore's finest bottle of champagne. They make their video calls to Cal and Micheal first where its still day in California and Nadya tells Ashton that they have their time mixed up.

They call Jessie next who's only a few hours behind, rocking both the twins to sleep. She giggles and flips the camera showing off Luke who has passed out on the plush carpet of their living room, Lucia's blanket in his hand. 

Thank god for small miracles. 

After the fireworks die down and the city becomes alive with parties and music Ashton tears his gaze away from the moon to Bryana who unties her robe at the edge of the pool letting the silk slip off her body. 

The moonlight hugs her figure showing off pale skin, a few moonbeams catching her smile. Ashton lets himself look over her, he's made love to her many times since they first got together but tonight seems almost... ethereal, as Bryana steps into the pool completely naked except for her wedding ring.

Ashton wastes no time stripping off his own clothes and following in after her, pressing her body close to his.

 

The morning after, when Ashton is trying to wake up and try and remember how they made it to the bed, Bryana walks in with two coffees; still nude but with her glasses on this time, and smiles brightly. 

"Ready for the new year babe?" 

Ashton grins brightly taking his cup of coffee. "Been ready Bry, lets do this!"


	7. Christmas in Sydney

**12 months later; December**

Christmas in Sydney was always a dramatic affair with a side of festive. It didn't change as time went by and Ashton was glad for it. The only changes were the growing families, Ashton took in the scene in front of him as the Hood family came into the beach house, six year old Nadya tumbling into the living with a pure amount of grace. Michael is quick to scold her, rushing into the living room and dropping their luggage in the hall.

Calum laughs, the lines around his eyes crinkling and Ashton likes to believe his friend has never been happier. He was Nikki in his arms, the one year old wide eyed. She looked like Michael the more she grew, dressed in linen shorts and a knit tank, light blonde hair pulled back with a blue bow.

"Uncle Ash!" Nadya squeals, running away from her dad and into Ashton's arms.

"Look at you, so big," Ashton astonishes, kissing her on the cheek. Nadya giggles, burying her head into his side. "What grade are you in?"

"I'm in first grade," she says seriously, before dancing away into the kitchen where Bryana was baking.

"Why does she have to grow up so fast," Calum exclaims, slumping against Ashton. Ashton laughs, giving Nikki his finger. She squeezes it, smiling at him and babbling.

Ashton pets Calum's head, "She's adorable, though, and so is this little one. How's the book coming along?" Calum and long since told the rest of the group about the book he was writing about them, asking for short essays on a topic to put into the book. Ashton had chosen his months in rehab and the months after that.

"Almost ready to be published. This house is getting too small, we should add onto it," Calum looks around, studying the beach house. Ashton had to agree the house could use a major renovations, new paint and decorations as well.

"Maybe next year," is all he says before Jessie and Luke are walking into the house. Jessie has Danny in her arms, his twin in Luke's. Ashton smiles at the couple, Jessie more than better after two years.

"Look the golden couple," Calum quips giving both of them a side hug. Ashton watches Jessie grimace and Luke blush, hoping nothing was wrong with the two.  _Again._

"Hello!" Everyone turns their head to see Mali-koa in the doorway, hands clasped with a guys.

"Mali, you made it!" Calum rushes to his sister, letting Mali coo over Nikki and eventually Nadya.

Ashton smiles, slowly making his way back to the kitchen. Everyone was together again for the holidays, the way he should be. Ashton turns around finally, walking towards Bryana. His family was together again.

-

Late at night Ashton creeps down the stairs for a snack. Or more like to suppress the anxiety he doesn't know why is bubbling in his chest. He takes in huge gulps of air steadying himself as he walks towards the fridge.

He stops when he sees Jessie sitting at the counter with the carton of ice cream he had in mind. From hear he can just make out the tears slowly falling from her eyes. Quickly he makes his way over to her, taking the spoon from her hand and using it to scoop up ice cream for himself. They sit in silence, listening to the ocean waves.

"What did Luke do?" Ashton whispers quietly, finally putting the spoon down. It always came back to Luke.

Jessie snorts, placing her hands on the counter. "I don't know what to call it, really." Ashton notices the the three slender rings on her fingers, each a different stone.

"I catch him flirting with my bartender in Melbourne and he claims it was harmless, but then I see the texts," She stop, pinching the bridge of her nose. For only being thirty, Ashton can see the frown lines in the harsh light, a few silver strands mixing with her chocolate hair.

"Two days later he surprises me with these," Jessie holds up her hand, showing off the thin bands. "Diamonds, rubies, and amethyst." The stones catch the fridge light, glinting. Ashton sits, unsure what to say.

He was mad, at Luke and at Jessie. He could never figure out why they played these games, and as far as he knew Jessie never cheated either. "Why do you still stay Jess?" Ashton finds himself asking, as selfish as he was about his friend he wouldn't want her to stay in an unhappy marriage.

Jessie stands, pushing her hair away from her face and wiping her eyes. She pats Ashton's hand, moving to leave. She stops at the entrance, turning her head to the side.She spreads out her arms and shrugs, "Because I can't leave my family."

Ashton doesn't miss the double meaning of her words.

-

**Christmas Eve**.

"Nadya if you dive off that couch one more time!"

"Lucia! Nadya you cannot tie up Danny!"

"Kids! Nikki is taking a nap, please play outside," Ashton watches amused, as his friends go into parent mode, ushering the kids out onto the deck. Calum shoots Ashton a tired look, throwing himself onto the couch. Michael and Luke head out to the deck to watch the kids, beer in hands and talking excitedly about a store they want to open up.

Ashton busies himself with slicing apples, more to avoid the girls scolding. Jessie is getting dinner ready, humming to herself as she stirs a pot. Bryana is next to her, dropping dough onto pans to make rolls. Mali is bringing out presents, whacking Calum on the head.

"What was that for?" Calum groans, sitting up.

"Do something, don't just stand there," Mali chides, pointing a finger to the kitchen. Calum grumbles but makes his way over to Ashton, stealing an apple and his knife.

Calum starts chopping the apples, leaving Ashton to fill the pies. He watches Mali and her boyfriend, Ben, finishing wrapping up the kids gifts carefully placing them under the tree. The whole house had been decorated in the three days they've been here so far.

Red bows on the banister, mistletoe in every doorway, the tree is was decorated with gold and silver ornaments. Michael and Ashton had even strung lights on the deck, letting the kids put up wreaths. Ashton considered it fitting this year.   
  
  


The hours past by and soon its late in the afternoon. Ashton sits at the foot of the bed, staring at the wall in front him. He can't bring himself to move, his hands gripping the sheets tightly. He tries to steady the dark thoughts in his mind but they're overcoming him by the minute.

_Ashton can see himself pick up a blade, expertly dragging it across his arm. Wait, he was thirty one, not seventeen_.

_He can see himself down bottles of liquor and stumble into an alleyway. Later he'll wonder how Jessie found him. When was the last time he got drunk?_

_He can hear Calum and Luke fighting, their words cutting deep and unforgiving. Can see Calum leaving with a bloody nose, Michael worriedly following him. He thought they were past that now_.

"Ashton, look at me!" Ashton snaps his head up, dazed. He meets Bryana's eyes, his wife cradling his head in her hands. "Your so pale, what's going on?"

Ashton clears his throat, staring around the room. He was at the beach house, he reasons with himself, it's Christmas eve. Everyone is good now, with him being the exception. "Nothing Bry, I just lost myself there for a second." She gives him a stern look, lips pressed together. She's places her hands on her hips, placing a finger in the belt loops.

"Guys dinner's ready!" Mali calls, knocking on the door. Bryana shakes her head, leaning down to press a kiss to Ashton's forehead.

"We're talking about this tonight."   
  
  


They never get to talk about it, dinner is a merry event. Calum and Michael talk about the possibility of having another child even though they're exhausted to the bones looking after the two they have.

Someone asks Luke and Jessie about having more, Ben, Ashton thinks because he was the only one who didn't see Jessie's pregnancy. The answer is a tight no from Jessie, and a mumbled excuse about her career.

Jade shows up during dinner, the youngest passing out homemade gifts that Ashton knows probably came from the Etsy shop her and her friend run.

They pass out gifts. Kids drinking hot chocolate while the adults drink either spiked cider or spiked hot chocolate.Pictures get taken and gifts are opened, the kids going first so they don't start fussing. In an hour or so they'll all be asleep.

Two hours later a bonfire is made, marshmallows passed around and blankets laid down in the sand. Christmas eve comes to a close as the anxiety quietly leaves Ashton if only for a week or so, he rests his head on Bry's shoulder grateful to have these wonderful people in his lives.

 

They never talk about it in the days to come or the week after, but if Bryana siliently slipped Ashton his therapists phone number one sunny morning...

Well after a phone call a few days later Ashton walked back into his therapists office, smiling despite the tears in his eyes.


	8. And We'll Let Them Know We're Still Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time heals all wounds... eventually.

**January**   
  


"We are going to a gala and I need everyone to fucking behave!" Ashton found himself yelling, startling his still immature friends into shutting the hell up.

Bryana makes a face at him, tugging him off the kitchen counter. They were at the beach house a place where Lauren could babysit the adorable munckins known as Jessie and Luke's twins and Calum and Michael's daughters. She wouldn't babysit for anything less then 250, damn his sister knew how to make a buck. Jade was helping out, but was content with the scraps of jewelry and old clothes Jessie had given her as payment. 

"What does behaving mean exactly?" Michael asked, casually slipping his hand into Calum's back pocket. 

Jessie pinched the bridge of her nose, sighing. Her hair was long again, almost to her waist a dainty golden crown on her head. The dark brown locks threaded with silver. Ashton takes in her dress, navy blue and strapless, gold swirls that had been hand sewn onto the dress emphasizing her chest and small waist, baby weight long gone. it splayed out into a long train the front of her dress stopping right above her ankles, showing off gold shoes. She wore no jewelry except her wedding rings. 

"Because this is the first time any of us has been on a red carpet in nearly seven years and this is your guys way to say ' _hey we still got this_ '"

"But no stress right?" Bryana chirped, smoothing out her own dress. A dark purple dress that was cut low in front and had a floral print, the skirt of the dress completely sheer. She had a gold and emerald hair piece and an emerald ring on her finger, opposite her own wedding band. Her hair had been curled and left half up and half down. 

"Yeah no stress at all." 

Why did they always let Luke talk them into these things. The gala was for charity, Ashton could do that. What he didn't like was Luke getting to have a round at the press saying they might release music they had written these past couple of years. Ashton wasn't sure he could handle that.

They met Mali at the gala, Ben in tow. She's stunning that's for sure. She's dressed simply in all black lace, the bodice of her dress reminded Ashton of those corsets Bry used to love to wear. A diamond choker is around her neck its matching bracelets on her wrists. Ashton thinks its a shame she never made it as big as them, she was a great muscian and singer. Alas, she was making bigger waves as a Dj and fashion designer. 

They get through the gala and Ashton does well the next few days of being back in the limelight. Old and new fans are ready for new music, the polls and twitter say. They could make decent sales. Ashton tends forgets they're barely in their thirties, still young. But when you reached the top so quickly like they did it leaves you feeling old by 25. Yet, so many of his childhood inspirations weren't famous until their thirties. Ashton and the band will just take it as it goes.   
  


-

Two weeks later he finds himself out the beach house per Jessie's request. She sounded sad she he came over with a bottle of wine and macrons from a french bakery she loved. 

Inside the house, which was about to undergo renovations, he found Jessie at the foot of the stairs dressed in black jeans and a tank he thinks Michael gave her years ago. He walks around her quietly heading into the kitchen to pour the wine into glasses. For formality, he knows a drink in they'll both be drinking from the bottle.

"Any reason were drinking?" 

"Just thinking about the future," Jessie shrugs taking a careful bite out of a macron. 

Ashton reflects too, so Jessie just wanted company then. He wasn't sure if the band could handle fame again. it seems they enjoyed domestic life a little too much. He didn't like the idea of leaving Bry behind in Sydney because eventually he would. There wouldn't be grand world wide tours anymore but there were still appearances, festivals, smaller tours in the U.S and Europe. 

Luke took fame to heart and he could guess what Jessie was thinking of. 

"We've gotten ourselves into a mess haven't we," he murmured.

"I think so, I knew when Luke picked up the guitar two months ago he was on to something I should've seen this coming." 

"We've grown up so much though," Ashton mused out loud, "we're thirty not nineteen." Where had the time gone, in all honestly, Ashton doesn't know. All he can remember is babies turning into toddlers, Jessie's hair changing colors and length while her cheekbones got sharper, the guys growing beards. Bryana finding grey in her hair, her putting on weight after stopping her strict exercise routine. 

"I close my eyes and there's a whirlwind of emotions I don't want to face," Jessie whispers, not bothering with her glass and going straight for the bottle. "Sometimes I see myself walking away from Luke at the bar pretending I didn't recognize him anymore, other times I feel like everything would've led up to this anyways. 

The doctors said no more kids and yet I want another, other times I don't. I call this band my home, but I miss Phoenix, and Dallas. I called my mother up for New Years and she says I've lost my accent, that I sound Australian now. Yet you and Luke say I still sound American. My kids will grow up with an Australian accent how funny."

"Michael and Calum's daughters will have Cali accents," Ashton remarks, noting how the twins did already sound Australian.

Time has passed too quickly and now here they were at a crossroads again. Ashton felt better, physically and mentally this time around, and he worried what it might do to Jessie who was worn down a little. She had two restaurants she owned and managed and was opening a bar up in L.A in the summer. Did Luke not care that his wife was running on fumes, running a business and raising twins.   
  


"I think we'll be alright," Ashton says, reaching for Jessie's hand. "We have each other and that's really the only thing that matters." Jessie nods, burying her face in Ashton's shoulder. Life still amazed him.

-

**L.A**

They fly over to L.A for Calum's birthday. The big thirty. This year none of the would be in their twenties anymore and it was kind of scary. They were actually adults now, middle aged. 

Its a small party just the group of them, and the kids of course. Jessie bakes a cake and decorates it making sure to put thirty candles on it in varying colors. Ashton watches his two friends interact, bantering and cooking together like they usually do when they're around. 

Ashton sits at the breakfast table, watching the two make Calum's favorite; Mexican. There's enchiladas and Mexican rice, guacamole and chips and about four different types of salsa. Horchata and fresh lemonade are in the fridge and Mali and Jessie are going to make margaritas soon. Right now, Jessie tries to show Calum how to make  _mole_ , the chocolate dish Calum has been wanting to try since seeing it on food network. Lucky thing Jessie personally knows how to cook Mexican food. 

He watches Calum place a hand on Jessie's hip, Jessie looking up and genuinely happy for once. The share a look and both of them are laughing. Jessie affectionately moves hair out of Calum's face, resting a hand on his chest. Ashton likes to think that if Calum hadn't already been head over heels for Michael and Luke hadn't claimed Jessie as his, those two would've been married right now. With this as their house and their daughters running around outside. 

The realization strikes Ashton hard, that Calum and Jessie love each other. Not enough to break up marriages or anything, but its there will always be there. They are the closest in the bunch, connected at the hip during vacations like these. Maybe its good they live in different cities, different continents, different countries. They can pass off their affections as not seeing each other in a while the way it is, and because of the distance it wont go much further than this. 

They love each other, Ashton repeats in his mind. He knows better to say it out loud, even though Bry and Mali probably know.  _They love each other_. 

And they would've made a better match, Ashton thinks sadly.   
  


At night after the girls have kicked the men out into the backyard for much needed girl time, Ashton finds himself sitting up in the treehouse his friends got for their daughters. It's a tight fit but he fits just right until a voice rings up at him.

"Ash mind if I come up?" 

"If you can fit," he calls down to Calum. He hears a sort and a minute later Calum manages his way in without bringing the both of them down. 

"I'm the one who has to come up here to get Nikki down after her sister drags her up here." They both sit in silence after that, wishing they could both see the stars like they can at the beach house. 

"Hey man," Calum starts, looking at Ashton and he can see the years of pain Calum has endured, unlike Luke who will never think he did anything wrong. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for everything, and I mean everything. There's things that should've gone differently and that didn't happen because of me. I should've helped you out a long time ago and I hate that I'm apologizing almost fifteen years too late for it."

They both know its too little too late, but Ashton accepts it anyways because he knows its been eating up Calum the same way it had been eating him up too. They could finally move past this. 

Ashton's reaching for him before he knows it and they hug, tight and Ashton can feel Calum's tears on his neck and he can feel himself tear up. "Why didn't you tell me about the anxiety and sleeping pills," Ashton whispers so low he doesn't think Calum hears it. 

Calum tenses for a moment before relaxing and letting out a deep sigh. "I'm guessing you saw Jessie's medicine cabinet it the guestroom?" 

"Yeah a while ago, but its stayed with me. You and Michael, when did all that happen?" 

Calum relaxes against the boards, staring at the new wedding band Michael had given him for their fifth anniversary. "I'd say for Michael a few months after we moved to Melbourne, he was just so full of energy but couldn't direct it anywhere. Couldn't sit still for longer than a minute and I timed him, I made him go to the doctor when he decided to leave the stove on and go take a shower but then he left the water running to go on an actual run."

Ashton nods, those were quite like the symptoms his little brother had had but not so extreme. "Being on the road so much gave him a reason to waste all his energy away with the shows and the schedules, but once we were home it was completely different." 

"And you, Cal?" Ashton asks, bumping his shoulder with Calum's. 

"Around after we had Nadya for a couple months I couldn't sleep and it wasn't because of her because she had a stable bedtime and then the first attack hit and Michael panicked and dragged me to the doctors." Ashton nods again unable to think of anything useful to say. 

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Its Calum's turn to shrug, "It never came up and it was another stress I didn't want you to have." 

"Oh." 

"Yeah, oh. Come on lets go join Luke and Mike before they start bickering." 

Its on the tip of his tongue to ask about Jessie, how he feels for her. But he knows better, it could be nothing after all.Or not, but he's sure its a string both Jessie and Calum don't want tugged at. 

-

In the days between Calum's birthday and the first days of February, Jessie and Luke manage to get into another fight on the plane ride back to Sydney, the twins curled up around Ashton on the private jet the band invested in a while back. Much easier after the size of their little group kept growing. 

It starts off slow. Jessie rolling her eyes when Luke's hand lingers on the stewardess' for a moment to long. A sarcastic remark from Luke and by the time they fly over Hawaii its a full on argument. 

Two days later Luke goes on a business trip to Hawaii, about a singer with great vocals, and Jessie throws a dish at the door. Ashton unfortunately has to be witness to that last part as well. He spends the day trying to convince it her it really is a business trip but he knows Luke is probably on a beach with that stewardess as they speak. 

His only confirmation comes from an instagram photo of the beach, red fingernails on his thighs. Jessie throws another glass.  
  


As February creeps in Ashton and Bryana head over to Luke and Jessie's place for dinner. In the kitchen he finds Jessie serving on gold lined white plates, new crystal holding the mix drinks she loves to make. The kids plates look new and expensive as well. Ashton thinks he saw those plates go for 200 a plate. 

"Whats with the new dinner ware?" 

"A gift from Luke," Jessie says tightly, dumping a salad in a wooden bowl. "For his 'indiscretions', ha!"

"Ah," is all Ashton can say. Like Bryana had told him on the ride over, its their relationship they don't meddle in ours, we shouldn't meddle in theirs. That's exactly what he'll do. 

"Dinner is ready," Jessie calls loudly, and everyone makes their way to the dining room table. So it was rings first, now fancy crystal and dinner ware. What was next? A cabin in the Alps. Probably, knowing Luke. 

They have dinner quietly, the twins still too young to carry conversations and the atmosphere too tense to talk about anything but the lightest of topics. 

After the dinner Bryana and Ashton stick around long enough to help clean up and help put the twins down to sleep. He kisses Jessie on the cheek hurriedly and claps Luke on the back, all but pushing Bry out the front door. 

"Maybe we should meddle a little." 

"Nope." 

His two best friends still had a lot of growing up to do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again thank you to anyone still reading this and following the series, it makes me smile lol :)


	9. Some Things Whiskey or Love Can't Fix, but I Believe in You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton finally confronts Luke, hoping to talk some sense into him.

**April. Sydney**

It was a rare stormy weekend in Sydney and Ashton was taking advantage by babysitting his favorite niece and nephew (don't tell the Hood girls). The twins were two now and babbling away to each other in their own special language, Danny tugging on his sisters hair quite hard as they played with a bunch of colored blocks. 

Ashton frowned from his spot on the couch waiting to see if Lucia would start crying, when she returned the tug with a smack of her own Ashton focused back on the wildlife documentary he was currently watching. He would giggle every now and then as the American wildlife experts jumped, screamed, and/or nearly fainted from the Australian heat. He rolls his eyes stuffing his face with more organic guac thanks to Jessie's fully stocked fridge. 

He liked these moments, when he could babysit the twins entirely alone. Bry was working an emergency shift at the hospital, Jessie was in Melbourne, Luke who the fuck knows where. Now, here in this big ol' ranch house Ashton could make music, play the drums without any anxiety, eat as much of Luke's food, it was only fair he thought. 

The twins were still playing below and Ashton was about to laugh at the expert getting punched by a Kangaroo when a loud clap of thunder shook the house, followed by the scariest round of lightening Ashton had seen in a while. 

The twins cried out hurrying over to Ashton with tears in their eyes at the exact moment the lights flickered, once... then twice before going out completely. 

The twins cried harder and Ashton cursed under his breath picking them up and stumbling for his phone. "heyyy, shhh everything's gunna be alright loves. Shhh." 

He manages to turn on the flashlight feature while holding both Lucy and Danny, making his way to the power box. He flips the switches twice with no luck getting the lights on. Lucia tucks her head onto Ashton's shoulder whimpering while her brother continues to wail at the top of his lungs. 

Ashton sighs and sets them both down pulling Danny closer to him. "Hey bud take a deep breath for me please like this," Ashton takes a deep breath in not only to help the toddler but to quiet the panic in his head. He could not lose it in front of the kids, not tonight. 

Danny takes a deep breath along with Ashton, puffing out his cheeks. "Okay now blow it out like this bud," Ashton blows a raspberry at the boy making him laugh. Ashton smiles and nods. "Another!" All three of them take a deep breath and let it out loudly erupting into giggles. 

When Ashton gets his breath back he scoops them up into his arms and whispers. "Okay, lets go to you all's room and read a story... but first snacks." 

They make a quick pit stop in the kitchen and Ashton puts together four peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, loads up an empty water bottle with milk and grabs three cups, shoving everything into the picnic basket Jessie usually keeps as decoration. Ashton really thought most of the stuff in this house should get some use every once in a while. He throws in a pack of cookies and picks the twins back up. "Hold on tight." he warns before starting up the stairs. 

An hour later the lights are still out but Ashton has managed to light a few candles and create a blanket fort for the kids when a loud knock scares all three of them. Ashton puts his finger to his lips, "Shhh, stay here and stay quiet ok." 

He waits for the twins to nod before heading back down to where the knocking hasn't let up. 

He glances through the peephole before throwing the door open, Luke shooting through door soaking wet to the bone. 

"Damnit she changed the locks again, bitch!" Luke roars throwing his jacket on the floor along with his shirt, toeing off his shoes as well. Ashton says nothing, simply locking the door and counting backwards from twenty. 

"This is my house too, she can't just do whatever she damn well pleases whenever she damn well wants! Where the twins? I know they're here because your here," Luke rages on stomping into the kitchen. 

"I could be plant sitting," Ashton says dryly following Luke. "Are you drunk Luke?" 

Luke shrugs, pulling down the bottle of whiskey Ashton knew he was fond of. "Not drunk enough. Now where are my kids Ash? And where is Jessie? We need to have a talk." He downs his glass quickly, pouring himself another. 

Ashton relocates himself to the kitchen entry, blocking the way to the stairs. 

"Ohh don't tell me you're taking her side in this shit fest Ashton, we've known each other longer than that. I have a right to see my kids! she can't lock me out of my own house, whatever she is saying about me isn't true she's just a manipulative, lying --"

"She is your wife and your bands closest friend Luke, watch what you say. And gimme that." Ashton takes the bottle away stuffing it into the trash.

"Hey that was 100 dollars." Luke pouts. 

"You need help Luke, serious help. Go see a therapist, and if we're being honest here," Ashton takes a deep breath ignoring Bryana's voice in his head telling him not to meddle. "Either get a divorce or shape up, all of us are tired of seeing the same shit happen every six months. You keep hurting Jessie, Luke, she shouldn't have to go through that."

Luke leans over the sink turning on the water. "If she's so unhappy why hasn't she left then?" Ashton wants to laugh, man the dude was going to be that stubborn.

"Why do you think Luke? And the answer is probably not because you're good in bed."

Luke doesn't say anything, only sticking his head under the water. Ashton sighs and gathers a few things from the kitchen before moving to the stairs. "You're not fit to see your kids tonight, and don't fight me on this or I'll call the cops, pick them up from mine and Bry's tomorrow afternoon."

"Shape up Luke," Ashton whispers before slipping up stairs. 

 

A few minutes later he sneaks himself and the twins out of the house and buckles them up in the car. He runs back inside to check on Luke, who's passed out on the couch before locking up. 

He drives himself and the twins to his place still shaking at everything that just happened. 

After the twins go down for bed, he sits out on the patio the storm long gone and the power back on. 

He takes his phone off the charger and dials Jessie's number. Time to let her know what happened.

After he lets it all out he hears a sob and Jessie's small, "Oh god." The line clicks and Ashton is left with silence. 

~

The next afternoon much to Bryana's chagrin, Luke picks up the twins. They run to him squealing and laughing, shouting "Dada! Daddy!" 

Ashton can't help the small smile on his face, these kids utterly adored their dad. They loved him, and Ashton just wished some peace would finally come into their lives. 

Luke doesn't say anything to either of them, simply picks up his kids and exits their townhouse with a nod. 

"Do you think I went too far?" Ashton whispers after Bryana shuts the door. 

Bryana shakes her head placing her hands on his chest. Ashton pulls her in close, breathing in the one person who was the most familiar to him. "No, not this time. He needed to hear it." 

~

One day a week later, Luke shows up at Ashton's office. He worked a floor up now and hardly ever visited Ashton down in the studios now. 

Ashton closes his laptop and takes off his reading glasses, because yeah those were a thing now, and stares at his friend and bandmate. 

"I just wanted to let you know that I'll be taking some personal time. Calum should be in every other weekend for the next six weeks or so." 

"And what exactly are you going to be doing, Luke?" 

Luke stares over him for a minute, emotions fighting over his face. He finally looks down at Ashton, "I'm checking myself into rehab, for the ugh drinking and then I'll be seeing a therapists for myself for a little bit."

"And?" Ashton presses. 

"And after that me and Jessie will be going to couples therapy. If we can't fix things after that, then... thats that." Luke turns around about to exit Ashton's office. 

"Hey Luke."

"Yeah?" Luke whispers, not turning around. 

"I'm proud of you, and I love you." Ashton whispers, not trusting his own voice. He knew how hard it was going through rehab, he couldn't have been more proud of his friend at that moment. 

"I love you too man."

~

That night after him and Bryana had made love, Ashton stayed up thinking watching the numbers on clock turn. Beside him Bryana snored quietly, tugging at the sheets. He smiles, letting her pull the entire blanket over her small frame. In the morning he'll complain about her hogging up the blankets, and she'll complain he hogs them up first. God he loved being married.

He settles back into the pillows letting his mind focus again. After so many long years, Luke was finally getting the help he so badly needed. 

Ashton smiled softly, maybe things were finally becoming right in the world. 

Their world at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as edited as I'd like but I was very tired lol soo if there's any mistakes so sorry... there is a light at the end of the tunnel and we are approaching it!


	10. With a Little Faith, Your Tears Turn To Ecstasy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With pain comes growth and with growth comes pain and with that, at last, love. Or Luke comes out of rehab and is greeted by his loved ones.

**Six Weeks later. June.**

The day before Luke was set to get out of rehab, Ashton decided to take a spa day. 

Or more like Jessie and Bryana were having a spa day and they brought him along. Now he wasn't against the occasional pedi or mud mask but this... now this was the height of luxury. 

"And to think I spent most of my wealth on drugs and alcohol when I could've been nipples deep in seaweed," Ashton sighed trying to sink deeper into the hot stone tub he was ensconced in. 

Jessie laughed deeply, wriggling under her masseuse's touch. Beside her Bryana rolled her eyes and let her head fall back against the cushion of her chair, her own person massaging her feet intensely. "You shouldn't joke about things like that babe."

It was Ashton's turn to roll his eyes, "Baby I've been sober more years than I can count, its ok to poke a bit of fun at it every now and then, and yeah if I'd spent my money getting hot stone massages instead of high off molly when I was 21 I probably would've been a lot more functional." 

"That is true!" Jessie pipes up. She sits up, dismissing her lady and wraps the bed sheet tighter around herself. "If all of us had taken more spa days I'm pretty sure our heads would be screwed on a lot tighter."

Bryana shrugs taking a long pull from her champagne. For a moment Ashton thinks maybe they did take a tad too far, he forgets he can't joke like that around others sometimes. He cocks his head at Bryana wondering what she'll say. She snorts, "Well my head has always been screwed on pretty well." 

They all stare at each other for a minute before they burst out laughing, Jessie coughing into her sheet. 

They're still laughing when the guy that was taking care of Ashton walked in wheeling a small cart with scissors, various lotions, and what looked like a mud mask. "Alright sir, time to cut you out of this and into the sauna. Ladies, your mani and pedis are waiting for you in the next room." 

The girls giggle harder, taking the champagne bottle with them. At the last moment Bryana grabs the platter of fruit and chocolates, giving him a shit eating grin. 

The guy in front of him cuts the air twice. "Okay sir, let me know if I get a little too close to ah, personal places." 

Ashton freezes.  _Oh no_.

~

Over lunch they get serious about the next day. 

As they dig into their Indian food, glowing, scrubbed new, and nails fresh Jessie goes over the list the rehab place had given her. She was healthier these days, the hollows in her cheeks filled out a bit her hair shinier and back to a deep burgundy. Even the way she was speaking eluded to more positivity.

Whatever was going on with her and Luke's couple sessions was working apparently and Ashton knew she would let him know what they talked about and how she was handling things. For now though, he was glad she was happy. 

"So we're doing a dinner at his parents house, I'm still renovating the ranch and I don't need the extra stress right now. His mom has even agreed to cook for all of us--"

"Who's all of us?" Bryana asked, cocking her head to the side. 

"Us three, the kids, the Hoods. Luke's parents of course and his brothers, that should be it. We didn't really tell anyone else, even though twitter knew but that's old news now." Jessie rambles, twisting her wedding ring around her finger. 

"Hey, hey relax," Ashton soothes, reaching for her hand. "Everything's going to be alright, promise." 

Jessie sighs, looking beyond him and Bry. She bites her lip trying to fight off tears. "I just don't want it to be like when you got out of rehab, no one around and pissed off at the world. I should've been there for you and I wasn't."

"Jessie's that's in the past now, we've all moved on from that. And we're all going to be there for Luke, don't hold onto that. I'm in a better place now, we all are." Ashton tries to smile but its weak as he tries to hold off his own tears. They were so much better than the teens they were, they had survived, were surviving. 

"I know," Jessie chokes out. 

~

Calum was strangely quiet as Ashton drove him and Micheal to Luke's parents house. He was in the back seat checking his phone constantly and Ashton knew he was a protective father, but this was overdoing it a bit. The girls were fine in L.A with Nadya's friends mom, Ashton tapped his fingers against the steering wheel trying to come up with something to distract him. 

"Just tell him Cal," Micheal spoke up instead, sending a sharp glance to the backseat . Ashton side eyes Micheal watching him have a silent conversation with Calum. 

"Fine," Calum sighs. "Listen Ashton, Micheal and I have been talking and thinking things over. The thing is we love this band and we all love you and Luke, but if Luke doesn't change after this and goes back to his old ways then Micheal and I have agreed that we're going to stay in L.A." 

"And not continue with the band," Micheal speaks up, looking away from Ashton. "We can't keep doing this, we have kids now and our  girls don't need to be growing up around this toxic environment where their uncle does stupid harmful shit all the time."

"But--" Ashton tries to but in but Micheal talks over him, gently putting his hand on Ashton's wrist. 

"No Ash, we'd still be business partners with you all but we wouldn't be with the band." Micheal groans, turning to Calum for help. 

"There'd be no more 5 Seconds of Summer," Calum says firmly but softly. "Our kids come first Ashton. " 

Ashton nods, "I see. Lets all hope it doesn't come to that then." 

All three men nod and Ashton focuses more on driving, pulling down the street Luke's parents house was at. It brought a strangely nostalgic feeling out of him, days when he was the only one with a license and had to pick up Micheal and Calum for band practice. How long ago was that now? Some days it felt like lifetimes ago and on days like these... well it felt like only last week. 

 

The front doors were open when they finally did pull up, Jessie's car and Luke's brothers cars in the driveway. Ashton could distantly see Luke's family wandering around the house chattering with each other. 

Ashton stares at the door playing with the hem of his shirt. He didn't have this when he came out of rehab, a big bbq and welcome home banner tied over the back door. He feels Calum's hand come down on his shoulder, a tight grip that slowly brings him back to reality. 

Ashton relaxes into Calum's arm pulling him into a side hug. "Hey I'm sure everything will be alright. I mean its Luke, right?" Calum says softly. 

"Yeah it's Luke," Ashton whispers trying to keep in check his attitude. He leans into Calum for one more second and then lets go. 

"Well that could mean a lot of things-- Ow!" Micheal exclaims rubbing the arm Calum had whacked. 

As soon as they walk through the front door they're greeted by Luke's mom and Lucia. 

The little girl reaches for Ashton immediately giving a wave to her other two uncles. "Hiii." 

"Hi precious, look how big you've gotten," Calum starts cooing over her and Ashton shifts her into Calum's arms bringing Luke's mom into a hug. 

"Where's Jessie and Luke?" Micheal asks, scanning the room. 

Luke's mom points to the backyard the afternoon sun glaring in, blocking their view of almost everything. "Luke's out back, I think Jess stepped into the bathroom." 

With that she gives them all a smile and reaches for Lucia babbling about how it was time for her to eat. Ashton gives each Hood a look wondering who would be the first to bite. 

"Well come on now, we don't got all bloody day," Micheal chokes out pushing both of them aside and making his way to the back. Ashton and Calum chuckle slowly falling man's lead. 

 

Luke lays out on the patio, shirtless sipping on lemonade. Danny is tucked into his arm snoring softly and holding the stuffed lion Ashton had gotten him a while back. His hair was longer, more a polished gold in the sun and almost reaching his shoulders. There was a beard too, covering up the small scar from the lip ring he had when they were younger. 

This was it, Jesse was nowhere to be found but Ashton was sure she was giving them all the space they needed. Luke hadn't seen them yet and judging by the way Calum and Micheal were hiding behind him, Ashton was going to have to speak up.

He takes a deep breath, clearing his throat. 

Luke smiled up at them taking off his sunglasses, "Hey, you all made it." He whispers gesturing to his son. "I would get up, but we just got him down for a nap." Ashton nodded, studying him for a moment as Calum and Micheal made themselves comfortable on the chair next to Luke. 

He looked brighter, like he was glowing. Healthier, like he had been working out more and getting more sun. Freckles line his nose and cheeks, dusting across his shoulders and back. Guess he was spending more time out in the sun.  

"Just gunna stare at me Ash?" Luke joked, waving him to sit down. Ashton huffed out a laugh and squished himself next to Micheal who was more than proud of his current dad body. 

"You look good Luke," Ashton mutters still quite unable to take his eyes off of Luke. 

"Thank you," Luke says quietly, staring at the pool in front of him. "I really could not have done it without you, you gave me that wake up call. I didn't see that I was heading down the same road again while the three of you were walking down another path entirely. Who knows what would've happened if... if things got worse." Luke finishes glancing over at them, a few tears running down his cheek. 

Ashton can feel his own eyes start to tear up, Luke's raw emotions tugging at his heart. 

"Promise us," Calum begins clearing his own throat, looking at the pool. "Promise us things get better from here, that you'll try." He sounds firm, jaw clenching but Ashton knows Calum and knows he's trying not to cry.

"We love you so much, Luke, we want to stay in your life. Give us a reason to stay," Micheal says, leaning forward, palms up and open towards Luke. 

Ashton hold his breath ready to pounce in either direction. Their friendships couldn't take anymore heartbreak. C'mon Luke, Ashton wants to say but he bites his tongue letting the Hoods and Luke have there silent battle. 

Calum must find his answer somewhere in Luke's open face because he launches himself at him curling up around him in a tight embrace, mindful of Danny of course, pressing sloppy kisses to Luke's face. 

Micheal follows a heartbeat later wrapping himself around Luke's other side, laying his head on Luke's shoulder. 

Ashton is the last to follow, taking his place at Luke's feet, wrapping his arms around Luke's incredibly long legs. Bastard, he chuckles lowly. They were a family again. 

~

Ashton doesn't remember falling asleep or how long he and his friends had been dozing by the water but it was near sunset when Jessie finally stepped out of the house, with Lucia  in her arms, and gently shook them awake.

"Hey boys, come inside for dinner," She says softly, scooping up Danny with the expert skill only a parent could have. 

Ashton swats at her, groaning. "Do we have to Jess?"

"Yeah do we have to?" Micheal grumbles, pushing himself deeper under Luke's armpit. 

Jessie snorts and Ashton can faintly hear her retreating back to the house. "Suit yourself but don't complain when there's no  _tres leches_  left for y'all." 

A moment sinks in and before Ashton can register the movement he's ungracefully relocated to the concrete floor, landing hard on his ass. "Wait Jess made  _tres leches_?" Luke surges up out of the chaise. "Oh my god she hasn't made that in such a long time." He rolls his neck to the side, popping it. 

Calum smiles wide putting a hand on Luke's shoulder. "Me first." He give a soft shove and takes off running, leaving the rest of them behind. 

They all laugh and take off, running towards the back door. The suns dips below the hills and rooftops painting the sky a deep purple and fiery orange. 

~

Later that night they drag down blankets and pillows, shoving the couches out of the way and using the coffee table to prop up a laptop. Calum scrolled through Netflix talking about a movie him and Micheal saw a while back that everyone else needed. 

Jessie came down the stairs a few minutes later tying her hair into a ponytail. "Alrighty the twins are down, lets have some adult time now." 

Bryana had long since joined them and she peeked her head over Ashton. "Finally another woman! Come have some coffee with me." 

Jessie giggles taking her own mug into her hands and settling next to Bryana. The blonde pulls a blanket over both of them offering a few cookies to Jessie. "Ugh I haven't done this in such a long time, everything's been about either the twins or work." Jessie moans biting into a cookie. 

Luke lazily swats at her taking her cookie away from Jessie and taking a bit out of it. "Or about me." He winks at her making Jessie blush a deep red. Ashton smiles he hadn't seen this side of Jessie in a while, it was refreshing.

"You hush now."

"We should do this more often," Calum agrees taking a sip of his own coffee. "Especially when the kids get older, we can lock them up in one room with a movie and have our own in another." 

With that they all start talking about their respective kids and plans for them. Ashton joins in telling them his plans on how to corrupt them and spoil them rotten. It hurts less and less now talking about the kids, he's come to see them as his in his own way and he knows he'll be there for them no matter what.

His phone vibrates and he peeks at it, a text from Bry.

_**Maybe we should get a fur-baby?** _

Ashton laughs out loud sending the thumbs up emoji along with a dog emoji. 

Life was about moving on and growing after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo sorry I've abandoned my works here but going back to college has kicked my butt completely but I here's a new chapter!! Hope you enjoy. Title is a line from Camila Cabello's Crying in the Club... it sounded fitting and was what finally got me to finish this chapter lmao.


	11. And Family Means No One Gets Left Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's always something going on when the 5SOS family gets together for the summer. With Luke out of rehab the squad decides to enjoy some time together.

**July.  Sydney, Australia**

Everyone decided to stay on in Sydney for Luke and the twins birthdays. It only felt right, it was getting rarer and rarer these days and even rarer to have all of them together longer than a couple of days. The plan was to have a quiet birthday for them, complete with cake and a trip to the movies for the twins. Ashton and Bryana were in charge of the cake and decorations while the Hoods flew their daughters down along with Mali who had happened to be in L.A for the month. 

It was all they could talk about even as Ashton and Bryana hosted bbqs on the weekends, all of them drinking iced tea out on their patio as the twins and Hood girls played inside. Once a week Jessie and Luke would host extravagant dinners complete with their fanciest china being pulled down from the cupboards. Jessie and Calum would cook up big dinners, making everyone's favorite foods, desserts, and Mali would make the drinks. 

Of course they spent a lot of time at the beach house, going swimming and having movie nights. Ashton would scoop up the kids and pile onto one of the huge beanbags they had laying around the living room, giving them popcorn and gummy bears. 

Slowly the days melted together and June bled into July. 

 

Yet, when that sunny Saturday of the birthday party in the first weekend of July arrived a phone call from Jessie scrambled Ashton's nerves. 

"My mother is here," Jessie says flatly over the phone. Ashton can hear Luke's cursing through the speaker making him smile just a tiny bit. He wonders if Bryana and him should add cupcakes to the cake order, Jessie's mom was known to bring friends along to show off her daughters wealth whenever the two were on speaking terms. 

A heartbeat later Ashton can feel himself tense as Jessie keeps on talking. "She's here to spend time with us, so she's going to be here at the party... and until God knows when."  

"Where is she right now?" Ashtons asks waving Bryana closer, he writes out a note on their dry erase board, letting Bry know of their unexpected guest. Bryana shakes her head waving at him and mouthing out 'not my problem.' She walks into their room, gently shutting the door. 

"Taking a nap, I just don't feel like dealing with her right now, you know?" 

Ashton breaths out slowly. Yeah he did know, he got it. He wouldn't feel like hosting his estranged mother after his significant other just got out of rehab and had two, two year-old wrecking havoc in the house. "Yeah Jess, I feel you... are you sure its not too late to cancel the party?" 

Jessie snorts, "Pretty sure, if it had just been us then I would've been like its postponed but I invited a few of my employees and Luke invited--" 

"Some close friends and record execs, yeah I remember now. Hey I'll make sure to stop by and pick up some cupcakes to go with the cake, its just your mom?" 

"My aunt Yvonne too and her boys plus two of my moms friends, kinda bummed Jade isn't here but she took off to Singapore for the summer for some student exchange program." 

"See you soon Jess, hang in there." With that he hangs up in the phone and makes his way to the bedroom. 

He walks in and flops on the bed groaning loudly hoping Bryana would hear him through the closed bathroom door. Well maybe he and Bryana could head to L.A for the month, but then that wouldn't be fair to Jessie and plus Bryana did have her job... 

"Yes dear?" the door opens, revealing Bryana, topless and blow-drying her hair out carefully. Ashton moans again, louder.

"Why did Jessie's mom have to ruin our summer?" 

"Our summer? She's not our mother Ash, and last time I checked we're all adults." 

"You know what I mean, and Jess' mom always finds a way to start fights and get on everyone's nerves. I wouldn't want her near Luke if I was Jessie." 

Bryana shrugs, pinning up her hair. "Not to say its not our problem babe, but if Jessie really cannot get along with her mom then maybe she should you know cut off contact with her or have a good firm talk with her. We all want whats best for Luke, but you can only do so much." Bryana finally tugs her shirt over head, unpinning her hair letting loose curls float around her. 

Ashton counts to ten and pushes himself further into the mattress. "It's not that easy baby, its... its like a culture thing to Jessie. She can't just say I don't want you in my life anymore, its weird Jessie explains it better." 

"Get in the shower or we're gunna be late," Bryana says softly sitting next to him on the bed. "Whatever the reasons, we can't let her ruin Luke and the twins birthday's today and we got a cake to pick up." 

"And cupcakes." Ashton grumbles, pushing himself off the mattress. 

~

Ashton nudges Jessie's front door open trying to balance the twins birthday cakes and the extra cupcakes that could be counted as Luke's birthday cake. Jessie's dogs come running to greet him yapping loudly. Mops and Paz the last ones to lumber over, the oldest pups sniffing around Ashton's toes knowing he must have treats on him. 

"Not today guys," Ashton mutters, "These are not for you Mops, Tara down, Dany!" Ashton fumbles with the boxes as the biggest of Jessie's dogs, Dany a husky mix, jumps up at him. 

A whistle pierces through the air and Ashton snaps his head up. Luke comes through the hall way grinning from ear to ear. "Dany down, girl!" 

"You have too many dogs Luke," Ashton says in lieu of a greeting reaching one hand over to clap him on the back. 

"And you don't have enough, come on we can take these into the garage." 

Ashton follows Luke away from the kitchen and down the end if the hall. The dogs follow them they're paws clacking away. "So where's Jessie? Out of the country?" A small smile creeps on his face wondering where is friend was hiding. 

Luke snorts, "She wishes, no she's in the kitchen currently arguing with her mom about how to make _horchata_." 

"Ohhh thats that rice drink right?" Ashton pushes open the garage door and is surprised to find Calum and Micheal blowing up balloons by hand. Nadya runs around dragging Yvonne's boys along with her while Nikki tries to walk in her stroller. The twins stay in their play pen glancing at the Hood girls. There's already a few people seated, he recognizes a few as the managers from Jessie's restaurant and a few of Luke's personal friends. 

Bryana is placing cookies on trays every once and while handing a few carrots sticks to Nadya and Lucy. Ashton makes his way over to her first giving her a kiss on the cheek, setting down the cake and cupcakes then making his way to Calum and Micheal. 

"I thought you guys did that to each other only?" Ashton laughs, watching as Calum chokes on air. Micheal simply flipping him off discreetly making sure Nadya wasn't watching them. 

"Fuck off and go save Jessie, it does not take that long to make  _horchata_ ," Calum says rolling his eyes. "Aren't you a little too old to make those jokes?" 

Ashton laughs, shaking his head and head back towards the kitchen. 

 

There's yelling coming from the kitchen as Ashton makes his way there, loud and in Spanish. He stays by the entrance way hoping it'll quiet down, but it never does and all he can hear is Jessie whispering yelling, " _Lo siento_  Mama,  _lo siento_!" 

The conversation switches back to English as a pot slams, "It's my marriage in the end Mom, say what you want about Luke and I but he's doing so much better, so  _por favor_  back off." 

Ashton decides that as good as its going to get and quickly makes his way into the kitchen all but shouting. "Hey Jess, Lucy is asking for juice and I couldn't find any outside... Oh hi Mrs. Garcia. 

Jessie's mom rolls her eyes and turns away from them. 

"What was that about?" Ashton says picking up the jug of  _horchata_  while Jessie picks up the other jug of watermelon lemonade. 

"Tell you later," Jessie whispers and they make their way towards the birthday party. 

~

The rest of the birthday goes smoothly for Ashton and the rest of their friends at least. Bryana braids the girls hair while Calum, Micheal, Ashton, and Luke play board games with Danny and some of the other boys. 

For the most part Jessie floats around never sticking too long around with anyone. The only table she lingers on is the one where her mom and aunt are seated at. She sips on Sangria most of the night laughing at jokes Luke whispers in her ear. 

Eventually the night wears on and Ashton can tell that Jessie and the twins are getting tired by the longer they stay seated together, Lucia crying each time she gets put down and Danny clinging to Jessie's legs. 

"I think its time to cut the cake," Jessie laughs handing off Lucia to Luke. Luke nods patting Lucia's head gently. 

"Come on," Jessie says softly to Ashton and Bryana. 

Everyone gathers around the cupcakes and cake. They sing happy birthday to the twins first giving each of them a small slice of cake. Then they sing happy birthday to Luke, loudly and spread frosting all over his face. 

Luke smiles brightly carefully painting a few streaks onto Lucia and Danny. They both gasp reaching up to touch it. 

"They are so precious," Bryana whispers to Ashton wrapping an arm around Ashton.

Ashton smiles brightly as he watches Jessie and Luke say their goodbyes an hour later after everyone had finished off the cupcakes and Micheal was well on his way into his third slice of cake. 

"Yeah they are, its what they both deserved after the shitstorm." 

~

It was well into the night that Ashton had finished helping Jessie and Luke pick up. He had shoved Calum and Micheal basically out the door after Nadya had dozed off and Nikki was well asleep.  Ashton and Bryana then began the mind numbing work of picking up the food and packing it into containers, separating the twins gifts and putting them on their sides of the bed. 

Its when Ashton is carefully sweeping up the glitter and streamer mess in the garage that Bryana walks out quickly a tight look on her face. She shakes her head putting up a hand and Ashton gives her a moment to compose herself. 

When she finally speaks Ashton feels his heart sink. "Jess and her mom are fighting, again, over the twins and she's making some bad jabs at Luke. I think we should leave." She says softly picking up their container of food and plate of cake.

"I'm just going to say goodbye to Luke," Ashton finds himself muttering heading in the direction of the arguing.

 

"Mom give her to me, you think I don't know my own kids? She wants to go bed she does not need a juice box." He can hear Jessie say in a tired voice. 

"I raised you! And for much longer than you, Jessica, you think I don't know what is best?" 

Ashton stands in the middle of it all watching Luke keep Danny close to him, he bounces from foot to foot, Danny slowly resting his head on Luke's shoulder his eyes drooping. The arguing continues as Ashton inches closer to Luke, carefully putting a hand on his shoulder. 

"Do they always fight like this?" He asks watching as Jessie tears Lucia away from her mother, pressing the little girl close to her chest. Jessie snaps back at her mom trying to walk away from her only to get stopped as she rounds the kitchen island. 

"Yeah especially when they both think they're right," Luke sighs, Ashton glances over at him seeing the dark circles underneath his eyes and the few strands of silver in his hair. He looked tired, older somehow. Ashton carefully squeezes his arm mindful not to wake the now sleeping toddler in his arms. "This is when I wish I could still drink, or something man."

Jessie finally wrangles free of her mother shooting her a look. "Here take them to bed." Is all she mutters handing off Lucia to Luke. Luke handles it with grace, shifting over Danny and nestling Lucy into his neck. Luke motions for Ashton to follow and he does if only to make sure his friends will be alright.

Ashton helps tuck the twins into bed, giving Danny his stuffed rabbit while Luke hums a lullaby to Lucia tucking the sheets tight around her. Ashton stays quiet watching Luke with admiration in his eyes. 

As soon as the bedroom door closes Ashton pulls Luke into a hug. "Everything will work out, Jess needs to stand up to her mom that's all." 

"That's what I've been saying. Easier said than done," Luke huffs out returning the hug. "Now you and Bry go home and get some sleep too." 

Ashton smiles at look. Yeah it was high time he went home and went to bed. 

 

In the car Ashton hums the same lullaby Luke was singing kissing Bryana's fingertips absently. He hoped everything would work itself out and soon. 

 

~

The week drags on and eventually Calum and Micheal head back to L.A with their daughters claiming ballet lessons and the never ending piles of work that welcome them back every time. Calum has one last lunch with Jessie and whatever he tells her seems to give her more of a backbone as she promptly tells her mother she has three more days and she has to leave after that. 

They leave behind Ashton and Bryana who don't know what tell Jessie and Luke whenever they call for advice, or to vent or to come over for dinner. Each time they head into their ranch it becomes stuffier by the hour as Jessie's mom picks and nags at them.

From their living arrangements to the twins... to when Jessie will have another kid... to when Bryana and Ashton will have any kids of their own.

That conversation is quickly cut down by Jessie and Ashton. 

Bryana sullenly tells Ashton they will not be going over until, "Until that woman leaves Ash! The nerve of her to ask when we're having kids, like if its her right to know those things. UGH!" 

Ashton spends the rest of the night making chocolate covered strawberries for both Bryana and Jessie. The women in his life never ceased to amaze and frustrate him to no end. He decides that night to call his mom to vent to her and get some advice as well. 

"You gotta let them be," His mom says kindly as she shows him how to make a lemon arugula pasta dish. Yes he was slowly deciding to learn to cook, if Calum and Micheal could he could as well.

"Kids for women is such a delicate topic, you know that sweetheart, you and Bry had a rough patch when deciding not to have kids and it probably pains her every time the topic is brought up. Can you imagine how it must feel with Jessie's mother added into the mix?" She says carefully chopping up vegetables. 

"But Bry's fine with it, its been years! I don't know why she always gets so sad when people ask her is she's having kids, we decided not to and we're okay with that." He says, trying to concentrate on not burning a pot of boiling noodles.

"Oh Ashton." His mother tsks.

~

At the end of the three days Jessie blows up Ashton's phone twenty times in five minutes before he manages to answer it. "Hey Jess, me and Bry are kinda busy--" 

"Do you have the twins?" Jessie yells at him. 

"What? No!" Ashton speaks slowly, confused. He rolls off his spot on top of Bryana, his wife giving the phone a glare. 

"You're not lying to me right?" Jessie voice goes up a couple of octaves sending a shiver down his spine. Something was really, really wrong. He stumbles out of bed, trying to tug on pants and shirt while his cell is still firmly glued to his ear. 

"No Jessie I wouldn't take the twins without asking you," he says slowly and evenly, knowing how Jessie's temper was.

"I need to call emergency services," is all she whispers before the line goes dead.

Bryana is already dressed, rapidly tying her hair into a knot and slipping on her shoes. Ashton finishes getting dressed and grabs his charger and wallet shoving them into his pocket. 

"We need to go." They both say.

 

When they get to Jessie and Luke's ranch there's two police cars in the driveway and a CPS agent talking to them, Jessie looks wrecked still dressed in her pjs and her hair hanging limply around her face. Her cheeks are red, eyes puffy from crying. 

They let then talk to the police before walking up their friends. "Any news?" Bryana asks tentatively, putting a hand on Jessie's. All Jessie does is shake her head. 

The police cars are getting ready to leave and start searching when a plain black car pulls into the driveway, out stepping Jessie's mom and the twins licking ice cream cones. 

Jessie grips Ashton's hand tightly for ten seconds, before muttering a curse in Spanish. she dashes down the stairs, sprinting towards her kids. Luke follows closely behind catching up to her easily. 

Luke is quick to grab both twins away from his mother-in-law pestering them with kisses as Jessie kneels to the ground pulling Lucia and Danny into tight hugs. Ashton can see two police officers start to approach them, Jessie's mom yelling at both of them. 

Luke says something to his mother-in-law that Ashton can't make out but feels Bryana leave his side and walk up to an officer. He nods and lets her through where she raises her hands up and whispers something into Luke's ear. He nods and picks up his kids making his way back to Ashton. 

"Can you two... I don't know take them to the kitchen? Wipe their faces, please," Luke chokes out, wiping his eyes suddenly. Ashton doesn't say anything, holds his hands out for Danny and nods while Bryana takes Lucia into her arms. 

Its a couple hours later when the front door finally slams and Jessie yells, "You have one hour for you and Tia to pack up your shit and get the hell outta my house." 

"I didn't know it was a crime to spoil my grandchildren!" 

"Maria you need to leave, now." Luke says, voice strained.

"You kidnapped my babies!" Jessie screeches as Ashton hears Luke curse and grunt. He assumes Luke must've picked up Jessie, and a moment later a two doors slam shut. 

Bryana lifts her head up from the couch giving Ashton a pained look, he heads over to her sighing as he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. The twins sleep comfortably nestled next to their aunt, soft snores coming from Lucia. "We should go too." 

Ashton nods but neither of them move. 

Another hour later and Ashton finds Jessie's mom and aunt leaving as he pays for the pizza he ordered. The twins were awake and hungry, so were him and Bryana. He carefully locks the door behind the two women saying nothing.

The smell of garlic knots, pizza, and a fresh tossed salad is what finally draws Luke and Jessie downstairs to the kitchen where the twins were eating messily while Bryana was chugging wine like grape juice. 

"Thank you guys," Luke says tiredly as they step into the kitchen, gathering first Bryana and then Ashton into a tight hug. 

Jessie stays silent, pouring out a measured ounce of vodka and slamming it back. 

They eat in silence until Bryana speaks up, handing Jessie a glass of water. "Well I'm glad today is over, the twins are safe and we're all here. Lord, I never want to know how today feels again."   

"You're not a mother you don't know what it feels like to lose your kids," Jessie snaps at Bryana. Ashton can pinpoint the moment Jessie realizes what she says too because her eyes go wide a small gasp escaping her mouth, and she reaches for her, taking a step forward the same time Bryana takes two sharp steps back hugging her sides. 

"Bryana I didn't... I'm sorry!" Jessie cries. Bryana shakes her head rapidly and Ashton steps in between them shooting a look at Luke. Luke pointedly doesn't meet his eyes, hands balling into fists. 

"No, no you're right I'm not a mom," Bryana whispers tears already falling from her eyes. 

What he does instead is wrap his arm around Bryana's waists and pull her behind him. "I'm glad the twins are okay but we're leaving now. Goodbye." He doesn't look at either of them knowing whatever is on the tip of his tongue won't help their friendships.

"We're going home." He says voice hard.

 

Bryana storms off to their bedroom the minute Ashton closes the front door. Ashton lets her unwind, putting the food away in the fridge and flicking on the lights. He knows somewhere deep in his mind that something has changed but he can't put his finger on it. 

The bedroom door remains close. Ashton sighs and settles into the couch slowly turning on the t.v. He fires up one of Bryana's favorite shows hoping to draw her out. He tunes in to the show, a sense of unease coming over him. He knows she'll come out when shes ready, she just needs to decompress and put on a face mask for a bit Ashton reasons with himself. She'll come out before the shows over and demand that he start it over. 

Ashton gets through two episodes before that tightness in his chest tells him to get up off his ass and check on his wife. He pauses the t.v and a runs a hand over his face. Wine, wine makes everything better. He carefully pours out two glasses considering this an emergency. 

He stands in front of the door for a second before nudging it open, he raises his brows he had assumed she had locked it. Her clothes are strewn all over the bedroom floor instead of carefully put away he continues into the bathroom scooting her shoes out the way and pushing the door open. 

His wife sat in their bathtub,  the bubbles long gone leaving only white streaks, her hair hanging limply and sticking to her flushed cheeks. She had her eyes closed yet Ashton knew she was crying he knew his wife like the back of his hand. 

"I, um brought you some wine." 

Bryana simply sticks out her hand flopping around until she finds the wine glass, taking a long pull from it. 

Ashton settles on the floor, pressing his back against the cool tile. He waits, taking measured sips of his wine. She'll let it all out when she wants to. 

"I think its a good thing we decided not to have kids," she says shakily. Ashton raises his head trying to see her upside down. "I think there was always some small part of me that still wanted it to happen, I mean look at our friends! Look at Cal and Micheal with their beautiful girls and Jessie with her twins, I still wanted that deep down somehow."

Ashton tries to speak up reaching a hand out to her. 

"No let me finish please, but we decided not to have kids and it was okay and it hurt yeah it hurt I always thought I would be a mother." She sighs and Ashton can hear her down the rest of her wine, her gladly hands his over to her letting Bryana take another long pull. "But I get it now, we weren't meant to be parents, especially seeing all the stresses our friends go through. I mean I wouldn't know what the fuck to do if my mom randomly took a kid of mine without me knowing. Probably be in jail right now, the strength Jessie has amazes me. I'm not mad at what she said, it stung, but she was already hurting." 

Bryana falls quiet and Ashton twists around to see her fighting with her emotions. Tears streaming down her face hot and quick and Ashton had never liked to see her cry. He gets up quietly grabbing fluffiest robe and a towel. "Come here lets go to bed."

She nods, wiping her eyes. Ashton wraps her in the robe, using the towel to wring out her hair. Lastly he pulls her close to him, letting her bury her head into his chest. He kisses her forehead and just holds her, this tiny woman who he has loved for so long and put her through so much pain and grief in his opinion. He holds her and tries to whisper I'm sorry and other nonsense.

"It's not your fault, I knew the decision I made. That we made." Bryana sniffles and pulls away, she pads out into the bedroom, strips the robe and slides under the sheets. Ashton quickly follows her shedding clothes as he goes as well. 

A laugh bubbles out of her strange and unnatural. It chills him to his very core and he hopes to never hear that laugh again in his lifetime. "I'm glad we don't have kids and we never will. I'm fine being an aunty, really. I... just want to sleep now and forget about it." Bryana closes her eyes turning away from Ashton. 

"I love you." She whispers hoarsely.

"I love you too," Ashton calls back flicking off their lights. He hopes in the morning everything will have returned to normal. Or as normal as it can get. 

They would never be parents, Ashton plays back in his head. He would have to ask Jessie and Calum some questions that were on his mind but that could wait for now. 

They would never be parents. 

Now let the universe deal with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and this brings an end to Bryana's arc, bringing some finality to these two.


	12. In My Defense, There Were Puppies.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton goes to NYC on his own and ends up having the adventure of a lifetime. Back in California the Hood family gets ready for Halloween.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halloween in June anyone?? No?? Okay...
> 
> Also : TW for Mentions of Animal Abuse in this chapter only!!

**October. New York City**

It's a rainy day in New York city, the type of day Ashton was preferring over the sweaty heat of New York summers. Why did he ever think Australia was way worse? He thinks as he sips on a smoothie watching the water drip down the windows of his high-rise loft in Midtown. No no the rain was much better, much more appreciated. 

He was here for official band business, which meant he got to be miserable and lay on the couch in front of the t.v for  the two weeks he was here because Bryana was back in Sydney, Calum and Micheal in L.A, and of course Jessie and Luke were somewhere. He didn't know their location most months, maybe Singapore? 

He stays firmly on the couch ignoring his cell phone as it rings with very important people he should be talking to about renting office space out here but he prefers to turn on the t.v instead and boot up Netflix, one lazy day isn't going to hurt him.

He smiles and lean back sinking into couch. This was the perfect way to spend a rainy day. 

~

It's as he's walking home from Capitol Records the next day that he notices it. A small indie bookstore tucked into a corner with pulsing neon lights. There's a small window display lit up with Ashton's, and his bandmates' faces.

Calum's tell-all book. It sits proudly displayed in the center of the window display, surrounded by a few of their albums as well.

Ashton laughs loudly earning a few glares from people walking past him as he fumbles with his phone, snapping a picture to send to the Hoods. They all did press tours a month ago for this and Ashton had promptly pushed it to the back of his head after they were done. He strides into the bookshop and all but demands a copy.

"That's the last one sir," The cashier stumbles over his words pointing at the book in the display. "Don't know when we'll get more."

Ashton buys the last book and casually points out how photo-shopped he was in the cover picture. The cashier gapes at him trying to find the words to ask for a autograph. Ashton waves him off signing two of the albums and promising to send Calum and Micheal over to do the same within the month. 

 Ashton finds a coffee shop that's quiet and actually has tables quickly enough, tucking himself into a corner and a large latte. 

**' Look what I found; _The Trials of Fame_. So dramatic Cal!' **

Ashton shoots off separate texts to both Micheal and Calum, wondering who would be the first to lose it.

**'Omfg, you actually found one?'** Comes Calum reply followed by the embarrassed face emoji **.**

' **Well yeah, no shit its a published book**.'

' **Don't tell Mikey, he'll buy it I swear!'**

**'Omg where can i get one, I can't believe Cal's publisher didn't give him one to keep!'** Comes Micheal with the angry face emoji and the surprised face emoji. 

' **Too late, #oops.'** Ashton sends to Calum while sending  while ignoring Micheal's texts entirely. 

Ashton giggles and pockets his phone, takes a deep breath and cracks open Calum's book he lovingly wrote about all of them. So Calum had said during his interview with GMA when asked why he was there. 

Ashton flips to the first page and stares at the dedication written there. Technically he knew about the books contents, Calum had asked him to write a series of essays and to hand over some photos for the book but this was the first time he was seeing it in its entirety. The dedication is to them all and their families, included on the first page is one of Nadya's drawings. 

He skips the introduction and heads straight to Calum's first section. On the first page of his chapter is a picture of the band from when they were teenagers, kids, Ashton thinks if Calum's baby face was anything to go by. 

He laughs gently to himself flipping the page.

_"I was going to be a soccer star,"_  The first sentence begins making Ashton feel some sadness somewhere deep in their chest. They all wanted to do different things in life, the band was supposed to be first and only for fun.

_"I never thought I could be a rockstar, would be a rockstar._

_"I never wanted to be in a band..."_

 

It takes Ashton three hours to read Calum's book front to end. 

_"At the end of this journey, I may never be a soccer star but I found a family that I would never give up. I found the love of of my life, my children, and the most amazing friends I could ever ask for. I love and adore you all."_

Ashton wipes the tears off his cheeks sending glares to the group people staring at him. He fishes for his phone. He shoots off a text to Calum, trying to get a hold of himself. 

**'this things a real tear jerker! I hate you'**

' **I love you too Ash, coming down for Halloween?'**

**'yeah.'**

**'Nads says you have to be Flynn Ryder :)'**

**'Uhhh...???'**

 He shoots back his text, gently closing the book. He liked the book, he really did, everyone's words flowed together beautifully yet each of their own attitudes and personalities shone through. Micheal's chapter had been a wonderful mix of sarcasm and heartbreaking seriousness as he talked about his children and him and Calum's relationship. Calum's chapter's were lighthearted and made Ashton laugh to himself. Luke's chapter was the real tear jerker though as he aired out most of the band's dirty laundry. 

In the end Ashton was happy with the book. The world deserved to hear their stories and how they survived; Grew, loved, lived and moved on.

His phone begins ringing and its the work he's been putting off for a days now. 

No time like the present right? "Hey, Mr. Bernards yeah I'm heading to the office right now. Yes, of course, give me twenty minutes."

Ashton tosses some bills onto his table and stuff the book into his bag, he'll ship it off to Calum and Micheal later tonight, right now though he had to haul ass back to midtown. 

~

On his last night in New York he finds himself exploring a few dives and restaurants in Queens. It was a place Ashley was always telling him to go explore and so far he was not disappointed. He exits a small Korean bakery careful not to jostle his bag filled with baked goods. 

He stops short a few blocks down, hearing a faint noise. He stills, and stops his humming straining his ears for the sound again. 

The sound comes from the alley next to him, a high pitched whimpering that Ashton recognizes quickly. He had had been to the animal shelters enough times to know what they sounds were. He hastily flicks on the flashlight on his phone and makes his way into the alley. 

He sets his food down on a not so dirty couch and speed walks to the dumpster. He peeks in and sure enough, there's a small box with a few small air holes and more high pitched whimpering. Ashton looks around the dumpster hoping for the best but knowing it was probably worse. He stops short at the back of the dumpster, covering his nose with his jacket.

Quickly he unchains the mom, finding a ratty sheet to cover the body. Horrible, he thinks to himself, why are humans so shitty?

Next, he hauls himself up into the dumpster, hoping there were no other creepy crawlers in there with him. He gently lifts the box and swings himself over, Bryana and the rest of his friends were not going to believe his story. 

He manages to remember his baked goods and heads out into the street, waving a taxi down. 

Ashton hops in, careful with the box in his hands. "I need you take me to the closest animal shelter, now!"

The taxi drops him off at a local animal shelter where a neon sign still says its open. He pushes his way in and all but shoves aside the two people at the front desk. "I need help, I found these puppies in a dumpster. They need help." 

The girl at the front nods taking the box from him. "Do you know what happened to the mom?"

Ashton shakes his head, "She, um, I found her... she didn't make it." He whisper sadly. The girl nods and opens the box. 

"Oh I'm sorry. We don't accept these type of dogs here." 

"What?" Ashton snaps.

"They're pitbull puppies, an aggressive breed. We don't accept these here, but we can--"

"No, no you're not." Ashton snaps reaching over the counting and snatching the box out of the girl's hands. 

He walks out of the shelter and looks to the right and then to the left. He was frustrated but he wasn't about to hand these puppies over just to meet the same end they were at the dumpster. The door dings softly and Ashton turns back around, ready to tell off the girl. 

It ends up being the guy he shoved aside. "Hey I heard what happened in there. Here, its a pitbull sanctuary I already called and they're still open and will wait for you."

Ashton takes the card gratefully, and thanks the man. "Not to be rude but why are you at this shelter then?"

the man laughs shaking his head. "I'm saving a few old timers on death row to take to my own sanctuary back in Jersey. Got in a little late though, but I can see why." With that he ducks back in to the shelter and Ashton hails another cab, telling the driver to step on it.

 

At the pitbull sanctuary the workers there welcome him warmly and rush him and the puppies to the back where there's a Veterinarian ready to check them out. 

They open the box quickly and one puppy makes her way over the edge and to Ashton, crying pitifully. It breaks Ashton's heart so he hops onto the table pulls the puppy close to him. 

The vet carefully pulls out five more puppies and begins examining them. She looks up at Ashton sadly, shaking her head. Only one other puppy is roaming around the table whimpering quietly, the rest of the puppies lie frozen on the table. 

"They're gone, I'm surprised these two are still alive," The vet says gently, stopping a puppy, the one with the grey coat and one white paw, and checking her over. "Can I see that one?" Ashton looks down startled to see the other puppy this one all white, one black paw, gnawing at his jacket sleeve. 

"Sure," Ashton responds. 

Its an hour later and both puppies are in a little cubicle eating puppy mush filled with vitamins and other medicine they need. Ashton sits across from them, munching on one of the sweets he had bought. He had handed the rest over to the sanctuary's staff as a thanks for helping him. 

Behind him footsteps announce the arrival of Roxie, the owner of the place. She sits next to him saying nothing until the puppies finish eating and fumble over to the blanket where they curl together falling asleep the white one snoring softly.

"You did a good thing you should go get some sleep Ashton." Roxie whispers. "They're safe and in good hands."

"But will happen to them now?" Ashton asks looking over at Roxie.

Roxie shrugs, "They're just pups, little over two months, they will probably get adopted before the weekend. We're a no-kill shelter if that's what your worried about." 

"No," Ashton laughs dryly. "But how will I know the won't end up in a dumpster again?"

"That's out of our control once they leave here," Roxie says sadly. "We can only hope for the best." She stands, patting Ashtons shoulder. 

~

The next evening Ashton calls his airline. "Hi yes I need to cancel my plane ticket. No, no I have another ride set up. Yes, Luke Hemmings should be arranging for his plane to pick me up... yes I am bringing a few more things that won't fit into a carry on bin. Thank you, I'll be there in two hours." 

Ashton looks down at the bed where his puppies are playing happily in the sheets, the little white and black one chewing on Ashton jacket, again. "Hey no stop that!" He scolds trying to be serious. He can't though breaking into a smile. 

He still has one more call to make and he dials it his heart hammering out of his chest. 

"Australian Embassy, how can I help you?" 

"Uh yes I need to know if pitbulls are allowed in Sydney."

~

**October 26. Hood household, California.**  

"I cannot believe you, Ashton Irwin, climbed into a trash can for a puppy."

"Puppy!" Nadya squeals, waving a ribbon in front of Delilah her little grey and white paw shooting up in the air. Lilac stays curled up in Ashton's lap snoring softly. 

"Careful with her Nadya, Delilah is still sick." Micheal reprimands from the couch, Nikki asleep on his chest. 

"And I would climb into another trashcan to save more puppies if I had too." Ashton laughs looking down at Lilac. He let Nadya name them as soon as he got to the Hood residence and the names did not disappoint. 

"So wild though, can you even bring them to Sydney?" Calum asked flipping through the t.v channels until he settled on a Disney movie. Nadya's face lit up and she abandoned the puppy to scoot closer to the t.v, her blanket in hand. 

Ashton brought Delilah over to his side letting out a long sigh. "Yeah they can be in Sydney they just have to be quarantined for forty-five days. Can you believe that? Thats most of their puppy-hood!" 

The two men sitting across from him laugh loudly, Calum standing up and plucking Lilac out of Ashton hands. "At least you'll have your furbabies Ash, now come on lets decorate for Halloween!"

He kisses the top of Lilac's head, cooing at her. "Oooo puppy smell."

~

 

**October 31. Halloween.**

On Halloween night not only to the humans dress up, but so do the dogs. 

Ashton puts tiny angel costumes on his pups carefully making sure the dog stroller they bought was secured before checking out his own costume, a very simple devil costume that including red nails and glitter eyeshadow and horns on his head.  

Calum had dressed Duchess, the Hood's three year old Dalmatian, up as a unicorn which fit perfectly along with Nadya's fairy costume. Nikki was a smaller fairy who was at the moment throwing off her flower crown while Micheal and Calum were dressed as elves. 

"Is it always a family theme?" Ashton asked sort of wishing Bryana could've made it so they could do the cheesy couple thing too. 

Micheal gives him a dead look, slowly dragging his finger across his throat. 

"Be a good uncle and hold Duchess for me," Calum says breezily handing off Duchess' lead to to Ashton. "Now where is Wilson?" 

"Wilson doesn't do costumes Cal, he's a cat." Micheal grumbles. "It's getting late and it's a school night."

"Nads, sweetie, do you wanna go to school tomorrow?" Calum asks sweetly. Giving a smug look to his husband.

"Um nah." She replies focusing more applying glitter to her sister. 

"Nadya that's enough glitter."

"Lets go trick or treating!" Ashton roars picking up Nadya by the waist. "Before this fairy disappears on us." He struts out the door laughing along with his niece, the dogs in tow with him. 

He sets Nadya down and looks up, a full moon tonight. 

Ashton had never felt more at peace than in that moment. 

 

 

Its late at night by the time Ashton and the rest of them stumble into the house. Calum is carrying a sleepy Nadya in his arms along with two bags of candy, Ashton has the dogs walking tiredly next to him and Micheal is the last to walk through the door cradling Nikki in his arms along with another bag of candy. 

"I'm going to put her to bed," he whispers planting a kiss on Calum's cheek. Calum nods and starts to head upstairs when Nadya whines in protestation. 

"Nooo, I wanna see what I got." She whines out, earning looks from both her dads. 

"Can you ask nicely Nadya?" Calum says softly. 

"May I stay up and see what I got, pleaseee Papa?" She blinks up at him and even Ashton's heart melts at the sight of her wide green eyes. 

Calum smiles wide planting a kiss on his daughters forehead. "Okay but only for another hour, everyone's getting sleepy." 

Ashton sets the dogs loose and heads to the living room. Quietly he turns on the t.v and put on The Nightmare before Christmas. It was his favorite Halloween movie and Nadya was slowly getting into it. It was one of the things he liked about being an uncle. 

"'Tis is Halloween, 'tis is hallowWEEN, HALLOWEEN!" Nayda screeches dumping her bag of goodies on the floor next to him. Ashton can't help the full on belly laugh he erupts into especially once he sees Calum's grouchy face. 

"Ashton really?" is all Calum sighs out turning on his heel and heading up the stairs. 

Ashton shrugs plucking a chocolate from Nadya's stash. Hey it was Halloween still after all. 

Nadya starts giggling to herself making Ashton turn around. He eyes the six or so wrappers strewn about the floor and knows Calum and Micheal are going to leave him to the task of putting Nadya to bed. 

"Whats so funny Nads?" 

Nadya giggles again puffing out her cheeks. "hallow--" she giggles again sticking out her tongue.

"WEENIE!"

Ashton laughs, face palming. Good god, she was Micheal's daughter. 

~

**November. Sydney, Australia.**

"Ashton you got two puppies? What are we going to do with two puppies?" Bryana stares at the small cage the puppies have been put in for quarantine in Sydney, both of them slurping up water. 

"Love them and cherish them?" Ashton deadpans wrapping Bryana in his arms. 

"You are not funny, but they are adorable. How long do they have now?" 

Ashton checks the date. "As of today, thirty-eight days." 

"It feels like forever," Bryana huffs trying to stick her finger through the cage door. "They're going to miss Christmas with us, that not fair." She shakes her head, "Pitbulls aren't even aggressive its shitty owners that make them so." 

"I know but the Australian government says otherwise." Ashton murmurs, hopefully they'll have their puppies back soon.

They walk away from the cages and start heading back out to their car. Today was going to be a shopping day and Ashton thought maybe he could convince Bry to get facials. The possibilities were endless this weekend.

As they reach their car Bryana smiles up at him poking his cheek. "So you need to tell me how you and Nadya ended up in her treehouse singing 'In The Jungle.'"

Ashton cringes and he can feel his cheeks heating up. "Uh thats a lie, who are your sources?" 

"The little lioness herself, Nadya. Or did you forget we Facetime sometimes?" Bryana laughs ducking her head into the car. 

"Well?" She asks again after Ashton has started the car. 

Ashton laughs smiling over at his wife. "Well for starters Calum left me in charge of her for the day and we still had Halloween candy and we started watching the Lion King..." 

As they drive off he tells Bryana the story feeling his chest swell up with love and endearment. His little family was going to be alright, more than alright actually. He could never ask for more than this. 


	13. This Love Left a Permanent Mark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'When your young, just to run.  
> But you come back to what you need...  
> This love is a life back from the dead,  
> These hands had to let it go free,  
> and This love came back to me.'
> 
> Time moves on for Ashton and the crew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the second to last chapter I can't believe it, just the epilogue after this. For the series. WOw.

**March, Barbados**. 2 years later.

Six years, he had managed to be married for six years and in a relationship with Bry for ten. Time flew by way too fast for Ashton nowadays, his mantra was to take everything one day at a time now.  He was living his life on his terms the way he wanted to. 

Right now he watched everyone run into the aqua waves, the hot Caribbean sun beating down on him. He knows that him and Michael will be sunburned by tomorrow while Calum and Jessie get off easy steadily getting bronzed by the day. He watches Jessie and Calum wade with Nadya the little girl giggling each time a wave hits her. Michael has Nikki in his arms, barely letting her step into the water. Everyone else is either sun bathing and drinking long island teas or swimming out in the deeper water. 

"I thought this was our own anniversary get away," He hears Bryana whisper not sounding angry at all, only curious. Ashton thinks about the reason he invited his friends to join them on vacationing in beautiful Barbados for three whole weeks. 

"Why not?" When Ashton thinks about his anniversary and his relationship with Bry he knows he has his friends to thank for that. If it hadn't been their constant support he never would've had the nerve to ask Bry out or even talk to her all those years ago. This was his little way of saying thank you for everything his friends have done for him in the past and now. 

"Consider it their Christmas presents."

-

Ashton sinks his toes into the sand as the evening draws to a close, and watches the waves reach high tide. He had gotten tired of the chatter and bickering in the villa they all shared. Jessie and Calum taking care of the kids while the others played various card and board games that came with the house. 

He needed some alone time believe it or not. There was too much noise going on inside the house and Ashton knew eventually that one of them would wander over to find him. For now Ashton took out the book he had snuck away with and opens it to the dog eared page he was reading. 

After the sun goes down Ashton pushes himself up off the sand trudging his way back to the house where everyone was probably settled in the living room doing their own thing. 

"Hey."

Ashton spins around finding Michael standing a few feet behind him, his guitar slung around his shoulders. "Needed quiet time too?" 

Ashton laughs stretching out his arms. "Yeah just a little bit, you know how Luke and Jessie can get over their credit cards." he rolls his eyes and plops back down in the side, motioning for Michael to do the same. 

The other blond sits stroking the guitar absentmindedly. "Yeah and then Calum starts being a dick and then Nadya gets an attitude and hits Nikki... yeah I needed some air. Plus the ocean just brings new song ideas for me." 

"How are you and Calum doing by the way? You guys dropped off the face of the earth there these past couple of months."

Ashton waits for Michael to answer, playing around with a few seashells he's found. 

Michael smiles brightly looking up at the full moon. "If I tell you you promise you won't tell anyone?" 

"What are you going to do, kill me?" Ashton snorts.

"Calum just might."

"Okay Mike I promise, now spill!" Ashton laughs throwing a seashell at his head. 

Michael turns to him with a wide smile and Ashton can probably already guess whats about to come out of his mouth when Michael whispers, "We're having another baby! Marie just found out so thats why you can't tell anyone. We're going to wait until eight weeks to let everyone know." 

Ashton topples Michael into a hug giving his congratulations to his best friend. " A third kiddo Mike? I didn't think you and Cal were the big family type." 

Michael shrugs, "We both had small families, having a big family is the one thing we agreed on. We think this one is going to be a boy though." 

"Why?"

"Marie has had bad morning sickness and she didn't have it with Nikki so... yeah maybe a boy. We won't know of course for a few more months." 

Ashton chuckles standing up. He reaches for Michael's hands pulling up his best friend. "Well with your luck, it'll probably be another girl."

~

There's a brief moment during the vacation that Ashton's heart swells with so much love he actually thinks its possible he might drop dead. Haha, he thinks as he lines up the camera, younger Ashton wouldn't have been able to make that joke. 

In front of him his friends all crowd in front of a waterfall the crystal clear water pooling at their ankles. The twins tug at each others' hair while Nadya carefully watches them pulling her braids to the other side of her face. Nikki sits on Calum's shoulders pulling at hair and Bryana is making a face at Ashton, mouthing at him to hurry up. 

"Okay in ten.. nine... eight..." Ashton runs towards his friends, turning around and pulling a smile just as the timer hits one. A flash goes off twice and everyone cheers breaking away and wading into the more deeper end of the lagoon. 

Ashton wades back to the camera carefully takes it off the tripod. He checks the two photos the kids eyes are closed in both pictures and Calum is being hit by Nikki's foot in the second one but over all the photos look nice. They would look great in the beach house. 

After he puts the camera away Ashton runs towards his friends, crashing into the cool water. It swallows him up washing over him in shades of blue. He can still see the shadows of his family moving around him, laughing. Peacefulness settles into his chest a long lost friend finally coming into his life after so long. There is a light at the end of the darkness, he thinks as he gazes up from under the water, there was so much more. 

There was so much more to love.

~

On his last day in Barbados, Ashton makes his way to the beach one more time in the early morning, the sun barely rising over the ocean. He plops down in the shallow water and meditates. 

He closes his eyes, scenes dancing around his head. His messy childhood, even messier teenage years that could count as the beginning of the end. Him meeting Michael, Luke, and Calum in that god awful purple shirt. Memories dance around him and he frowns. 

Long band practices that turned into fights, him sneakily giving his share of food to Luke's dog. He sees Calum and Luke punching each other and screaming over record deals, soccer practice, and song writing techniques. 

He see Luke's concern dissolve into disdain as he gets worse, the younger blond casually dismissing his troubles as just the pressures of their new found fame. 

Fame. The parties, the toxic friends, the drugs and alcohol. All the house parties and bars they went to would never compare to the things that went down in Hollywood. Fame brought on pressures Ashton was sure no one should handle alone, he had found himself thankful for at least having friends on this journey. 

He remembers Luke making everyone choose the band and that was that, going on tour with One Direction. Sees Michael consoling Calum the day he turned in his soccer equipment, tears running down his face. There were some things that wouldn't be forgiven, but could be moved past. 

Ashton lets himself flop back into the sand, lost in his memories. Long nights of recording the ended with him finding himself three bottles in of some cheap liquor. Yelling at the boys in private to grow the hell up and get through the rest of the interview. 

Then he stops at one memory, of another listless concert in Sydney. Of a door being gently knocked on. Calum nervous that the girl they had invited would see right through them. He had been yelling at them, that this was a mistake. He shouldn't have let Michael buy plane and concert tickets. That had riled Luke up starting a screaming match and Ashton had found a corner to hide in.

_"She has this look, like she can see through your B.S,"_ he remembers Calum muttering at Luke. Right as the door opened Luke had launched himself at Calum, toppling the two to the floor.

A nervous giggle and Michael introducing the girl and her niece to the band. Ashton finally popping his head up and getting a look at her. She was their age, almost like Michael's female self. Long red hair, big hazel eyes, a slender frame. 

Everyone after that night agreed to get to know Jessie better. 

Ashton decides to focus on the good after that, skipping over the terrible and awful memories.

He instead remembers; bonfires on the beach and Christmas parties with great food. Him getting better and meeting Bryana at a bookshop, not a bar.  He sees Calum and Michael getting together and married, then Luke and Jessie. The kids, Nadya on tour with them. Smiles, so many smiles and laughter. His wedding, everything hits him at once and he laughs, shaking his head. 

Ashton sits up out of breath, wiping his eyes. He didn't realize he was crying.

He looks behind him where his friends and family are trying to create a fire in the pit on the deck. He thinks about the coming year at last, the new music they were going to make and release. The five festivals they were joining on. The world kept spinning and they did have day jobs.

Oh and him and Bryana were getting a turtle when they got back.

"Uncle Ash!" Ashton turns around to see Nadya running towards him, giving him just enough time to brace himself. "Daddy says to get your butt back to the house."

"Oh but its so nice out here, stay with me little Nadya," Ashton groans, pulling down the 8-year old with him into the sand. 

"Ewww nooo!" she shrieks, even though she loves the beach. "I'm not little, Papa says I'm a lady." She crosses her arms, curly hair falling into her face. Looking every bit like Calum in the pose. 

Ashton sobers up, moving the braids out of her face to see her round eyes narrowed at him. She was growing up so fast. He can remember the first time he saw her, barely a year old, and babbling nonsense at him. She had gripped his finger so tight, Ashton had a slight red mark for the rest of the evening. She'll be turning nine this summer, going into fourth grade and thanks to Michael she already read at a sixth grade level, knew how to write in cursive,  and knew how to count to fifty in Spanish. She was so adventurous Ashton knew she would do great things.

Ashton also knew she'd never question the love her family had for her. Her dads give her the world. Ashton thinks about the last time he'd seen her in L.A playing outside with her best friend, happy and carefree. He wished she'd stay like that forever. 

"Yeah you're growing up Nadya, why can't you stay little forever?" he asks, pulling himself up and off the sand. Nadya gracefully shrugs, slipping her small hand into Ashton's. 

"Because I am not little."   
  


"Ashton, mate, come on we're waiting on you," Calum chides, lifting Nadya into his arms. Nikki now about to be three, fusses in Michael's arms waving her hand around screaming to be put down.

"For what?" 

"To toast you and Bryana it is your guys' anniversary." Michael chips in, handing a glass filled with champagne, the good type too. 

Bryana walks up to him, sliding arms around his waist and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "To us." 

"To us," Ashton whispers back, raising his glass. To us. He looks around meeting everyone's eyes.

 To all of us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ughhh song in the title is This Love from Taylor Swift, WHICH I DO NOt own! Also thank you so much to anyone who has read this fic!!


	14. Think I'm Finally Clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things don't change even as time moves on, like Christmas in Sydney and Michael's jokes, or Luke's laughter. Ashton comes to realize maybe he got his happy ending after all. 
> 
> I must admit  
> Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it...  
> Now that I'm clean, I'm never gunna risk it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the epilogue :)

**Five years later. Christmas Eve. Sydney**

 

Five years have passed since Ashton sat on the hot sand in the Caribbean and reminisced about the past and smiled for the ever-changing future. In five years a lot has happened and changed. Yet somethings never changed, like Christmas in Sydney in beach house and spending  Junes in L.A. 

Granted the beach house has been renovated, it almost doesn't look the same anymore. Not like how it did when Ashton was twenty-one and ready for the world to end. No, the only thing that had remained the same was the rose garden, much to the persistence of Mali and Jessie. The beach house currently had six bedrooms now and three bathrooms, a balcony, and new roof after a bad storm a couple of years ago. There was fresh paint in all the rooms, the carpet replaced with wood and tile, the garage turned into a playroom for the ever-expanding families. The kitchen had been redone to include two fridges and a walk-in pantry that Jessie and Calum adored.  

Right now, it was decorated for Christmas with a tree in the living room decorated with Disney ornaments and the plain silver and gold ones from when it had just been the five of them. Present are stacked all around the tree, a few would be opened tonight and the rest of them tomorrow morning.

There were strings of soft white lights roped up on the roof and deck, Christmas wreaths on the doors, and a mistletoe ball hanging in the main hallway. 

Ashton viewed this all from the top of the stairs, breathing in all of the delicious smells that were coming from the kitchen. Jessie had made tamales by hand this year a rare treat for all of them. Ashton smiled taking a sip of the scotch Luke had gotten him, Jessie had managed to open three restaurants in Oz and two bars in the States. Currently she was trying to see if she could open up a restaurant in London. She was only thirty-seven a millionaire in her own right, and Ashton was so incredibly proud of her.

 The moment he begins his descent down the stairs the garage door slams and two voices yell out, "Mum! Uncle Cal!" The twins. They come into view for a brief moment, Lucia taller than her brother at the moment, dressed in grey leggings and a dark green tunic her dirty blonde hair tied up in a bun. Danny on the other hand was in black jeans and barefoot, wearing a white tank his own sandy hair falling into his face. They were both nine with such a passion for music and art, Danny though liked to be outdoors with animals more while Lucia preferred soccer. Ashton walked down the stairs, barefoot himself, it was a rather hot summer this year, and leaned into the kitchen doorway where Calum and Jessie were both listening to the twins with tight expressions. 

He looked at his friends, 36 and 37 respectively studying them; Jessie had frown lines and grey in her hair still slim figured and all sharp cheek bones. She was dressed comfy in sweats and a plain red t-shirt stirring a bowl of batter. Calum on the other hand had wrinkles in the corners of his eyes, his grey sweat pants hanging low on his hips and shirtless, back muscles dancing as he chopped up meat. Both were beautiful and loving parents. 

"Nikki, Lola, and Willow are fighting," Danny exclaims quite proudly walking into the kitchen Lucia at his heels.  He looks at his twin for confirmation, continuing when Lucia nods, "Nadya walked out on us and left us to look after them." Like Luke the twins searched for mischief constantly. 

Calum looks tiredly at Jessie, who shrugged. They both didn't like tattlers, they had already gone that round with Nadya and the twins when they were toddlers. They didn't want to go through that again. "I'll go check it out," Ashton found himself saying, walking over to the twins. "Come on." He could see the relief spread throughout his friends, both shooing the twins and turning back to the cooking and baking laughing to themselves. 

"We wanted Mum and Uncle Cal," Lucia whines, tugging on Ashtons hand. Ashton looked down at her, she was more outgoing then her brother and a bigger brat, he blames Luke for spoiling them. They had Jessie's hazel eyes and Luke's nose a smattering of freckles across their noses, for being brats they were adorable brats.

"Well you got me too bad, Jess and Cal are busy cooking," Ashton replies, walking into the playroom. The scene in front of him makes him glad that he never had kids; Nadya is calmly trying to get Nikki to open up the toy chest where he can vaguely hear Lola and Willow crying, Nikki is sitting on the toy chest arms crossed and blond curly hair falling into her face. 

"Stupid! I told you it was Danny and Lu's idea," Nikki grits out pointing at the twins. Ah, so Danny and Lucia were trying to cover their asses, Ashton thinks, giving the twins a stern look. They shrink behind them, knowing this is going to mean a talk from Jessie. 

"Okay," Ashton butts in, before Nadya can yell at her sister. "Nikki let your sister and cousin out of the toy chest, if it was Lucia's and Danny's idea why did you go along?"

Nikki reddens, running her fingers through her hair the same way Michael did. "Cause, cause we were playing zoo, and and... animals have to be kept in... cages!" she shrieks, running into Nadya's arms. Nadya pushes her away, glaring at her sister before opening up the chest. She was so much like Calum, head strong and always quick to take charge. 

Ashton watches her shove her long braids out of her face, and hoist Lola out of the chest then Willow. Willow and Lola cling to Nadya before their eyes rest on Ashton, breaking into run towards him.

Ashton picks up Willow and bring Lola to his side. So many girls, him and the band were outnumbered. Ashton smiles at Willow, getting a shy smile out of her. She was all Mali, right down to the dimples. With wavy dark hair and bright chocolate eyes Mali-Koa's unexpected first child. He looks down at Lola, the other daughter Michael and Calum had had via Marie again. She was all Michael though, ash blonde hair and sparkling green eyes and pale skin. Michael and Calum had the big family they wanted, and they all had their own attitudes. 

Nadya was the oldest at 14 and took charge of her sisters, always watching them. She had ditched swimming at around 8 and instead went through a new sport a month. She was still in ballet, Michael hoped she'd continue with dance. She was calm, but talkative always ready to talk when approached. She was smart too she got all A's in school and too advance courses. Recently she had cut her natural hair above her shoulders, the waist length braids with glass and gold beads interwoven an early Christmas present. She was also incredibly strong and muscular Ashton had been surprised when he'd seen a video of Nadya lifting a fifty-pound dumbbell with ease. 

Nikki was 8 and 1/2. She let everyone know the half part, eager to grow up as she was. She was the free spirit, Michael had wanted. Not. She loved the outdoors handling bugs and animals alongside Danny. But she also loved to sing, bursting out into song at the most random times. Michael kept saying he was going to put her in voice and guitar lessons in a couple of years, to hell with school. At the moment though, she fiddled with her knit dress denim shorts getting snagged. 

Lola was 6, also Michael's, because Calum wanted to give Michael the world and apparently that meant having blonde babies running around the house. So was the most extroverted out of her sisters, laughing and running circles around them. Calum had put her in soccer of course and she seemed to thrive off the attention her dads gave her. She was like Michael in the way she couldn’t quite sit still, her pre-k teacher always calling Calum about how she disrupts class. Which earned more than Ashton and Bryana’s fair share of late-night calls from Calum worried about his daughter. He fixes her headband, keeping dirty blonde hair out of her face, green eyes peering up at him. "Up, Pick me up!" 

"Ashton come on, dinner's almost ready," he turns and sees Bryana, dressed in a white halter top and black shorts, barefoot like him too. Her blonde hair is slightly darker and there's lines around her eyes and forehead, still as beautiful as the day he met her. Her wedding bands barely fit, but Ashton wants to wait until their anniversary in March to buy her new rings. "Stop letting the kids bully you." 

Ashton snorts but waves at the kids to follow, all of them fighting for the door first. Lilac and Delilah, his and Bry's seven-year-old pitbulls sleep outside the playroom, just as protective of the kids as Ashton is himself. Paz and the others are somewhere, the old dog still fighting the good fight. Mops had passed away only a year ago, cancer or something like that.  

Around him, his family is moving around as he passes off Willow to Mali the five-year-old tugging on Mali’s earrings. She’s wearing plaid capris, and a tight black halter top, diamond studs in her ears and black sandals on her feet. She likes to pretend she’s not turning forty next year and she likes to show off the body she worked hard to get into shape after having Thomas, her son a year ago.

He goes to help set the table, settling the kids in their respective seats and giving them their drinks. Luke comes to his side, startling Ashton. "Hey man," he grumbles, ruffling Lucia's hair. 

"Ashton," Luke smiles warmly, pulling him into a hug. He's just gotten back from the New York office a few days ago and Ashton had missed him dearly. Between all the travelling Luke and Jessie did these days he found himself seeing less and less of them and the twins now that they went to boarding school.

Ashton takes his seat next to Luke and across from Michael staring hard at the crystal glasses and gold lined plates. The kids themselves have plain metal plates and cups but even Ashton knows that the silverware and napkins they are playing with cost a pretty penny. Sometimes Ashton wishes his friends weren't so overly showy about their wealth, flashing it at everyone every chance they got. At least the rest of them were more subtle about it.

"It’s good to see everyone together again, I feel like it’s been ages." Luke says, planting kisses on the twins foreheads. He stretches his arms out dragging Jessie into a heated kiss.

"Since last Christmas actually," Ashton concedes, while him and Bry visit Michael and Calum every summer, Luke and Jessie hardly visit anyone. More often than Jessie flies Danny and Lucy down for a week or two in June to L.A or the twins get driven over to Ashton and Bry's place on weekends. Ashton understands the couple is busy with their businesses and it makes him feel selfish for wanting to see more of Jessie and Luke outside of major holidays.  

Luke’s also dressed for this obnoxious heat, in a tank and cutoff jean shorts, blond bangs falling into his face. He still looks twenty even at 34, time never seeming to catch up to him. He’s managed to stay healthy and clean, spoiling his family whenever he can.

"Lola you can't hold Andy, no she needs to eat and go down for a nap," Michael chides, the guitarist walks in from the kitchen holding Calum and Michael's last and fourth daughter. Did Ashton mention the fourth daughter? No? It was a surprise to everyone when they got an SOS text at the middle of the night near Halloween two years ago saying to get to L.A as soon as possible.

Ashton all but had had a panic attack thinking the worst. That one of the girls had been in a serious accident, that Calum or Michael had been in a serious accident with the girls. Scenarios hadn't stopped spinning in his head until him, Bryana, Jessie plus the twins, and a scared Mali with a two-year-old Willow and a three-month-old Thomas had stepped into Michael and Calum's mansion.  

There they were greeted by the three girls who all seemed fine and pointed the group in the direction of the room next to Nadya's. Curiosity had set in then and leaving the twins and Willow in the care of the Hood girls they made their way up the grand staircase. 

What a surprise it had been when instead of walking into a sight of horror they had walked into a nursery, the walls painted light pink with chocolate brown circles and various zoo animals on the walls. There was a plush crib tucked by the window, a lace canopy coming down and the same mobile Nadya had had when she was brought home. There was a changing station next to a small toy chest and bookcase and tucked in the opposite corner was a rocking chair that was occupied with a smiling Calum holding a bottle and a pink bundle. 

"Five years, I had to wait five years for this child!" Michael whispered loudly, appearing behind them. They all jumped turning to see Michael looking exhausted and worn but happy nonetheless. 

"You guys had another child? And didn't tell us," Mali squawked, punching Michael in the arm. 

"Shh," Calum cooed, gently shifting and waving them over. "It was our little surprise, and a lot of Michael saying we can take care of four kids." 

"We were planning on a boy, again," Michael said cheerily, going over to his husband. "Even the doctor thought it was a boy until Tiya pointed out at seven months that it was his hand." 

"Tiya?" Jessie raised a brow finally unfreezing and walking over to Calum looking bright. That finally caught Ashton's attention and he walked over to Calum finally taking a peek at Calum and Michael's fourth daughter. 

"More blonde little girls?" Bryana teased, walking towards Ashton. Thats when Ashton finally got to take a good look at the newborn, a shock of dark hair against bronzed skin and Ashton could already tell the baby had Calum's nose and lips. 

"No," Michael whispered Ashton noticing the utter adoration in his voice, "She's Calum's." 

That’s when Calum explained how when they decided to have Lola it was supposed to be Calum's but Calum wanted just Michael's kids’ content not to have any of his own. So, Lola was Michael's but Michael, being Michael, had started scheming on how to get a kid out of Calum.

It took nearly five years to get Calum to agree with A) having another kid and B) having the child be his own. Now Calm wouldn't have it any other way, this was daughter. He made this little girl and he couldn't be happier. 

"What’s her name?" Jessie whispered. 

"Andrea." 

"Cute." 

 

Ashton watched as Michael set the now one-year old Andrea, Andy for short, in his lap and opened up a container of baby food and shredded chicken. She was adorable, the perfect little addition to the Hood family. 

Calum and Jessie walked out of the kitchen holding pans and trays of food giggling to themselves, Calm hip checking Jessie before sobering up as he caught sight of Luke sitting next to where Jessie usually sat. Ashton coughed, waving Bryana over. "Why don't we toast? I'd love to hear -"

"Sorry I am so late, I swear Uber used to be so reliable once upon a time," Jade rushes into the dining, holding presents in her arms, dressed in ripped jeans and was torn 5SOS tee. She was the complete opposite of Jessie at this point; she was adventurous and loud ready to see new things and get into a little trouble. She had chin length wavy hair that was tightly curled today, a stack of bangles on one of her wrists and beat up converse. Jessie was all sharp edges and smooth ends from her caramel shoulder length hair and minimalist style, while Jade was colorful and jagged. 

Everyone mutters agreements to how nowadays there were so many branches of Uber and different transportation services it was hard to find a decent car ride anymore. At least the prices were cheaper now. 

"Did I make it for the toast?" Jade asks, coming back into the dining room after setting down the gifts. She had never moved back to the States, preferring to drop out of law school to become a first-grade teacher and continue with her craft store. At thirty-one she was doing well for herself. Didn't mean she still didn’t get into trouble, though it was more because she ran a blog where she couldn't keep her mouth shut and sometimes her eccentrics was too much

"Yes you did Ashton was about to start," Mali smiles warmly at Jade, handing her a champagne flute. All eyes turn to Ashton and he's about ready to back down and have Bry start when a voice rings out.

"Can I go first this time?" Nadya says softly her voice still carrying. She fidgets, messing with the earrings Bryana had given her for her birthday.

"Sure Nads, go for it," Ashton replies just as gently, tilting his head so she can go on. 

"I just wanted to say thank you for always making me feel like I fit in," Nadya starts looking around the table. "You guys are the perfect family and I love all of you guys, so I guess I'm saying I'm thankful for my dads, and I'm thankful I get to celebrate Christmas every year with you guys." Nadya ducks her head shyly, tucking herself into Michael's side.

Michael smiles down mussing up her hair, while Calum blows a kiss her way. Her siblings clap loudly for her, except for Andy of course who just stares at her.

After that Calum and Michael make their toasts, always starting with how their grateful for their not so small family and ending with how much they love each and every one of them. It moves on to Mali and Ben, Mali starting off with a quote she likes from one of her poetry books. Ben tries to make some quick jokes that end with Willow giggling. After that it moves onto Jessie and Luke. 

Luke ends it with kissing Jessie on the cheek and waving to the twins and saying how much he loves them. Jessie's speech is short and sweet just a simple way of saying we all mean the world to her and she loves her family so much and that we are her family. 

That leaves Ashton and Bryana. Ashton swallows, he should've gone first now that he thinks about it because now he doesn't know what to say anymore, so he waves for Bryana to go first. She smiles softly at him and talks, thanking everyone for another great year and how Christmas always feels better at the beach house. She talks about how she's grateful to continue seeing her nieces and nephews grow up to be the spitting image of their parents and is proud for everyone.

Ashton doesn't know how he's going to top that. He bows his head for a minute trying to think about what to say. "Well, all you have said possibly everything I was going to say," he laughs, looking down to where Lilac is sitting waiting for scraps. 

"I want to say I'm thankful I'm alive to witness this, to witness seeing my best friends start families and grow old together. I'm thankful I get to witness myself grow old alongside the ones I love and get to watch all these munchkins grow up and raise hell." Ashton raises his glass, trying to keep the tears back as he looks around at his family. 

"So here's to all of us living and may we create many more of these lovely memories." 

With that everyone knocks back their drinks, even the kids with their sparkling apple juice down the liquid in one go. Ashton just has to laugh at that, especially when Danny and Nikki both reach over the table to hi-five. 

-

After dinner everyone piles the dishes in the sink and dishwasher, they'll be done later tonight by Ashton, Michael, and Luke and make their way to the living room where the tree is bursting with presents. 

Ashton watches as Jessie, Calum, and Mali wrangle with their kids, sorting out the presents they can open tonight and which ones will wait until the morning. The kids whine and jump around, looking to Ashton to see if he'll intervene and let them open all their gifts. 

He shakes his head, opting to help sort out the rest of the gifts. He learned long ago not to mess with his friends parenting styles and rules. Unless of course the kids were making puppy eyes at him, then the least he could do would be to talk to their parents. 

"Glad we don't have kids?" Bryana whispers with a smirk, taking a gift meant for her. Ashton lets out a laugh, glancing around at the chaos around him. 

"Yeah, a little. I don't think I could handle temper tantrums on a daily basis," he says ducking when Nikki throws a shoe in his general direction, then cringing when he hears Michael's yell. No he can barely handle the dogs, Ashton knows he wouldn't be able to handle kids on an everyday basis. 

"Come on lets open presents!" Luke cheers, settling Lucia on his lap. He hands her a present smiling down with so much love that it reminds Ashton that Luke did indeed want kids, a family, he just messed up in the beginning and Ashton was trying so hard move past.

The love Luke had for his children though was pure, he loved the twins so much even if he spoiled them far too often.

Everyone settles down and Ashton finds himself in a bean bag holding Willow, she has her pile of gifts spread out, on Ashton, the floor and even on the beanbag. These kids were way too spoiled for their own good Ashton thinks.

"Luke remember we go by age, it’s not a free for all," Jessie says quietly, trying to gracefully sit down on the armrest while holding Andy in one arm and a glass of wine in the other. 

"How long is that going to go on?" Luke presses, giving Jessie a pout. 

"Until we start cringing when we say our age," Jessie laughs, pressing a kiss to Andy's temple.

"I'm starting to cringe," Mali fake whispers, raising her glass of wine. She has Thomas in her arms, the boy playing with her sunglasses. 

"Mals you're barely forty-one don't act so old," Calum laughs, he points to Andy and continues, "Let her open her presents she is the youngest." 

"Thomas is also one," Luke points out, nodding his head towards the baby.

"Yeah but Andy was born in October, Tom in July," Michael points out, moving to lay his legs on Calum's lap. "Damn we have too many July babies, Ashton, Luke, the twins, Bry, and Thomas." 

"Summer babies are the best," Bryana chirps, resting her head on Ashton's shoulder, he gives her a quick kiss.

Fuck it, he thinks. “Every man for themselves!” He yells and the kids need no further urging, ripping open their presents.

\---

Its late by the time Ashton and Bryana crawl into bed, the night finally ending. All the kids were asleep in either the playroom or the living room hoping to catch a glimpse of Santa. They remind him why they all still do this despite busy schedules and living so far from each other. To be with family. He thinks about Mali and Jade and how they've connected the missing dots in their group. Ashton pulls Bryana closer peppering her with kisses up and down her neck, his love for this woman in his bed would never fade even if he suddenly lost his memory. He can hear Luke and Jessie snoring in the room next to him and he laughs quietly, finally they get some well-deserved rest.

Maybe he needed to plan another vacation like he did for Barbados. Convince everyone to take a damn minute and smell the bloody roses. Despite all this organized chaos, though, Ashton feels nothing but love for his family and the proud feeling that blooms in him to see where they have made it too is overwhelming.

Twenty years ago, he didn’t think this ending for him would’ve been possible. It is.

He's happy, Ashton thinks, he's happy that he's lived long enough to see this family come full circle, to see them still growing and evolving.

Tomorrow it would be Christmas and Ashton would tell Luke, Jessie, Michael, Bryana, and Calum how much he loved them

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading any mistakes are mine :)


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